A couple nights ago, in the kitchen and exhausted, I look at Sarah and say, “I’m lost.” She says, “Me too.” and we hug.
We are in the middle of another “how do we get Maia to stay sleep well” phase. Each time I tell myself that it’s just that, a phase, some brief period that we just go through as part of her growing up. But over the winter break I was moving our old blog to this site, and years ago I wrote about pretty much the same thing I’m about to write now. When it comes to Maia getting good sleep, we are lost—again.
It’s on and off. Sometimes this thing works and sometimes that thing works, but we have yet to find that magic formula. Really, since she was a baby, we have experimented with every method you can think of, tweaking things here and there hoping for some solution. We’ve thrashed between being confused and confident, angry and peaceful, despairing and hopeful, and everything in between. And the only thing we’ve really come up with is that sleep is important and we all need more of it. Well, Keana and Aliya are doing pretty good, but sometimes Maia wakes them up with her middle-of-the-night anguish too.
The last three nights pretty much sum it all up:
Friday:
She goes to bed fine, but wakes up around midnight and can’t go back to sleep.
She has to pee.
She’s hungry.
She’s scared.
She wants Mama.
She has to pee.
She wants Papa.
She has to pee.
She’s scared.
She has to pee.
Finally, at 4 a.m., she falls asleep (and Aliya wakes up).
Saturday:
Friday night’s antics pushed us to rearrange her bed, moving the mattress to floor (her idea).
She goes to bed fine, but wakes up around 1 a.m. and can’t go back to sleep.
She has to pee.
She’s hungry.
She’s scared.
She doesn’t want Mama (because Mama makes her have to pee).
She wants Papa.
She has to pee.
She’s scared.
She has to pee.
I am so frustrated with her that I lose it.
I ask her why she can’t just sleep like a normal person.
I ask her why she’s such a problem.
I tell her I’m going to put her in a box and ship her to the moon.
I feel horrible.
I tell her I’m sorry and frustrated and she’s not the problem, but her not sleeping is the problem.
I tell her I won’t put her in a box or ship her to the moon.
Finally, I lay with her in our bed and she asks in a whisper, “Papa, if you ship me to the moon, what will I eat?”
I feel horrible, but muster, “In your box there would be a magic fridge with whatever you wanted and a little bear would help you.”
“How big is the bear?” she asks.
“About as big as Miko [our 20 pound cat].” I reply.
She snuggles in and falls asleep.
I’m not sure how early or late it is, but I know Aliya will wake up soon. And she does.
Sunday:
She goes to bed fine and starts to fuss around 11:30 p.m.
She has to pee.
She’s hungry.
She just wants to be held.
I take her back to her room and ask if she wants me to sleep with her.
She nods yes, we snuggle in, and we fall asleep.
I wake up at 2 a.m.
I have to pee.
Maia’s fine.
I go back to sleep.
What happens next? We have no idea.
We’re researching.
We’re asking lots of questions.
We’re listening.
We’ll stay patient.
We’ll stay open.
We’ll stay loving.
Sometimes as a parent, that is the only magic formula you have.