This weekend (Friday–Monday) Sarah took the girls on a Girls Only camping trip with Tia (Iana, Sarah’s sister), Cousin Olivia, Cousin Emile (no, Emile is not a girl, but he’s a baby, so, free pass), and Grandma. This is the second trip like this they’ve taken, the first being when Keana was a toddler. I think they had originally planned to do it every year, but then life happened. The girls were super-excited for the trip but they did all need to bring Papa shirts to sleep in.
I’m looking forward to all the stories I’m sure they’ll tell me, all at once, the minute they walk in the door. But in these last moments of quiet I have to myself, I want to write down some thoughts from my weekend flying solo so I cement them here and in my brain:
- Of course, I miss all my lovely ladies, but I almost never get time to myself in our house, and for that, I am very grateful.
- Time to myself on work trips is not the same as time to myself at home.
- Over the past several years I’ve learned that taking care of myself and doing things that I want to do is important, and I was reminded this weekend that I need to maintain that even with everyone else here. But how do I find that balance? How do we, as parents, meet all these needs and wants and still carve out that critical time for ourselves? How much is enough? Ten+ years in and I’m still working on that one.
- So much of the peace I experienced this weekend wasn’t just because it was a whole lot quieter (though I’m sure that didn’t hurt). I was able to accept what I needed to do—like clean the bathrooms and do laundry—and enjoy the things I chose to do. When we’re all here, that’s difficult for me. There are so many needs, so many messes, so much food to prepare that everything becomes a chore—mentally and physically. But it’s all in my head. How I feel is a choice and even in the chaos of our life, I can choose to be at peace, take the time I need, and enjoy our life together.
- I like to do stuff. I like to get out of the house and try new things. Why is this so difficult as a family? Well, when you have five people to coordinate, rarely does everyone want to do the same thing. So how can we negotiate that? How can we encourage the kids to try new things without feeling like we’re forcing them? How much do they need to be pushed, if at all? Again, 10+ years into this thing and I’m still working on it.
- Everything is easier by myself and that’s not a bad thing—it’s a fact. But I don’t have to have a bad attitude because things aren’t easy with all five of us here. Many times, I’m the one making things difficult, so I need to remember that and adjust accordingly. (Kind of what I said in bullet 4, but I think it’s important enough to restate.)
- Life on my own is not what I want. I love my ladies and I love the fullness of our life. I can’t imagine a home without their sweet, brilliant, hilarious, emotional presence. I think I do need to make more time for myself and doing what I like to do, but I also need to work on accepting our life, as it is, because when all the day-to-day is stripped away, I do love it.
That photo above was taken on a hike I took with a friend today, just above Bass Lake, near a place called Devil’s Slide. Hiking is good. New places are good. Waterfalls are good. Looking forward to getting the whole family up there.