Tag Archives: homebirth

birthdays, development, trips

Reunion

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This last weekend we headed back to the bay, back to the birth place of Keana and Maia, for a special reunion of sorts. Our home birth group, which we met when Sarah was pregnant with Keana, had our sixth birthday. None of us believed our instructor six years ago when she told us that many groups stay in touch long after the class ends, and some even vacation together. Low and behold, here we are, even separated by hundreds of miles now, still connected.

We drove down Saturday morning and spent the day in downtown Berkeley, checking out the wildlife, shopping, and eating ice cream. We were all pretty beat by dinner time, but we braved a new restaurant (which actually sucked), and headed back to the hotel for the nightly excitement of “how are we going to get the kids to sleep, and once we do, how long do they stay that way”. Surprisingly it wasn’t too difficult getting them to sleep, with the exception of Maia, who didn’t even protest as much as she could have. We splurged for a suite (which was only $30 more than double anyway) and it was definitely worth it. Throughout the night we rotated beds and children, but pretty much woke up refreshed and ready to go.

The home birth picnic-party started at 2 p.m. We had selected three different picnic areas to try in Tilden, and I thought it was going to be a nightmare syncing up with six other families, especially with no cell reception, but everything fell into place. We passed one other family on the road (our former neighbors actually) and followed each other to the nearest spot on our list. It happened to be free, even though it was a gorgeous Sunday in a very popular park. One by one, the other families found us and the festivities began.

The amazing thing about this group is that we’ve been through so much together, that no matter how long in between seeing each other, we just fall back in place. We’ve had first babies together, second, and thirds. We’ve all had our share of hospital scares, sick children, and even one death. Families have moved and grown and changed but our first-time-home-birth-parent bond has kept us together and strong over these last six years. The oldest kids just played and played together all afternoon and I think the socialization of school has really helped them to grow. Whereas some kids wouldn’t always find their place in the past, all six of them seemed to play well together all afternoon; some forming small groups and partnerships for a minute, then coming back together for a rambunctious group game of soccer/tag/fairies/warriors/wizards/whatever else.

The food was amazing as always and there was plenty of time for us all to catch up. The two families that were there first, ours and our former neighbors down the street, were the last to leave. As the sun set, we lingered a while after the cars were packed, the kids especially not wanting to say goodbye. The only thing that pushed us apart was our looming drive back to Fresno, and the warm thought that we would be reunited soon, and when we were, it would be as if no time had passed at all.

development, family

Zooba and Screimsties

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With all this fuss about Little Miss Aliya (a.k.a. Nüni), some of you may be wondering how Keana (a.k.a. Zooba) and Maia (a.k.a. Screimsties a.k.a. Maija) have been adjusting. First, let’s back track briefly (or not-so-briefly) to Aliya’s first week out in the world. During the birth, I was holding Maia most of the time, even while I was on the phone with 911, and Keana was rubbing Sarah’s shoulder, telling her everything was going to be okay. Throughout everything, I was explaining to them what was happening and that we were going to have go to the hospital and they’d stay with Grandma until everything was okay. Even after I left with the ambulance, Jennie (a.k.a. Grandma) said they really took everything in stride. I love that they have that youthful optimism and considering everything that happened that day and that week, they really handled it all amazingly well.

A couple hours after the birth, after Aliya was stabilized and up in the ICU, waiting for transport to UCSF, and Sarah was checked into her own room, Jennie brought the girls over to the hospital. I was able to take each of them individually to visit their new sister and they loved her immediately. Of course there were some questions about the tubes and wires and why Aliya had to stay there, but overall they were curious about the little things. Keana was really impressed with her finger nails and Maia was concerned about the ink on the bottoms of her feet. After a brief visit with Mama in her room, Jennie, Jacque, Keana, Maia, and I headed home so I could pack a bag for UCSF. It wasn’t easy leaving them, but I knew they were in good hands and I knew that our newest baby needed us.

While we were gone, I tried to call them at least once a day and found each time that they were being thoroughly entertained by either Grandma Jennie, Tia (Iana), Grandpa Robert or Nana Cin, Great Grandma Bev, and later Uncle Ryan. I would check in with Keana for a few minutes, and she would ask how Aliya was doing and what I was up to. That would shortly be followed by, “Well Papa, I think I should get back to what I was doing.” I would say okay, I love you, and hang up happy. Maia often wasn’t in the mood to talk and I was totally fine with that. It took a minute, but Iana and Jennie finally got into a good routine getting Maia calmed down before bedtime and sleeping through the night. On Wednesday my mom (a.k.a. Grandma Linda) and Peter (a.k.a. Uncle Pud a.k.a. Uncle Pedie) went from Sacramento to Fresno as reinforcements.

When we finally arrived home on June 24, we found the girls in really great shape considering everything that had happened. We had several nights of Maia throwing tantrums and Keana had a couple breakdowns too, but all-in-all, Sarah and I have been amazed at the girls’ resilience. Now, three weeks after Aliya’s birth, it feels like we’re settling into things as a Pentapod. Sure Maia still screams bloody hell when Sarah’s unavailable and Keana reminds us how fun things were with Tia and Grandma when we were gone, especially with regard to sweets and bed time, but I think they’re actually happy to have their old boundaries back (at least their general moods reflect that). I’m trying to treat this time off as vacation as much as it’s been healing time, so Keana, Maia, and I have been having little adventures while Sarah and Aliya rest. On Wednesdays and Fridays we swim at our neighbor’s pool down the street, we’ve had some trips to the park, and we went to the zoo yesterday for a birthday party, so it’s really been great time together.

Well, I sat down to write about some other fun things that Maia and Keana have been up to, but I better leave at this for now. This is definitely a story that’s going to slowly get filled in, piece-by-piece along the way.

development

What’s going on outside

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Well little baby, you’ve got your papa’s nerves going. I know I know, I’m trying to mellow out and just “be in the moment man”, but this is the toughest part. Waiting. Today something seemed to be going on, cause Mama was noticeably uncomfortable and said that there had been mild contractions most of the afternoon. But I could tell they weren’t the painful, baby’s-coming-now type of contractions. Still, I headed straight out to the hardware store to get that final piece we needed for the birth tub; the ever-elusive faucet->hose adapter. The tub takes 24 hours to heat, which I’m pretty sure we won’t have when you decide to come, so we have to get as much hot water from the faucet, and we’re using a standard drinking hose, so one must have the adapter. You’l be happy to know we had success on the way to pizza tonight, and now all the parts of the tub are ready to go.

Your sisters are crazy as ever. Maia continues to challenge our will, often calling our bluff. This morning she and I sat in the car while everyone else ate their breakfast in the restaurant because she was pitching a fit over not having a diaper. Mind you, she’s potty trained now, but she still occasionally insists on having a “fresh diapy”. Man, what a strong-willed girl that one is. We were all tuckered out from our first block-party last night, so that didn’t help either. Everyone was enamored by you and your sisters. I think they could tell you were just about fully baked in there. But you’re still moving around a lot, especially between 10 p.m. and midnight, so it seems you still have plenty of room. And man, you are fast. We’re really curious if you’re going to be fast and feisty on the outside too. If your sisters are any indicator, methinks the answer is a solid “yes”. But yeah, in case you weren’t able to figure it all out in there, we had the local firemen there with their fire truck, and the neighbors provided a bouncy castle. Keana and Maia had a blast in the bouncy castle, and I was in there too with Maia to protect her from the crazy bigger kids, but it was fun. It was really good to meet our neighbors and I think we’ll be seeing more of them now. One couple is Japanese like us, and splits their time in San Francisco, so it will be fun to get to know them better. The guy plays drums and jams with some history professor from Fresno State, so there may be a band forming for me to play in…we’ll see.

So we’re basically just getting all our ducks in a row for your arrival. Keana can’t wait for you to some, and asks just about every day now, “Is the baby coming today?!!!” Every birth experience is a big Unknown, and we know we just have to be ready for anything (which is consequently very difficult, especially for me). Right now I’m trying to have faith in the fact that we’ve done this twice before and that you and your mama are genetically programmed for a safe, healthy birth. I’m going to keep focusing on that until you do decide to take the plunge, but you should know, we really are ready when you are.

Love,
Papa

p.s. We’ve been feeling your toes lately which I don’t think we ever got to do with your sisters, so that’s something that’s all yours and pretty damn special.

development

To my unborn child

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You are getting quite big in there Little One. You’re big enough now that we can see your every move from the outside. Oh, and we were wondering, do you actually play with Mama’s organs and stuff cause you’re bored, or does it just feel like that to Mama? I remember with your big sister Keana, my first time seeing the pregnancy process, I was constantly reminded of the movie Alien, and watching you reminds me of this amazing, foreign feeling I had. Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re an alien or scary or anything, it’s just amazing to see the movements of another human inside another human. Last Friday night I watched you for almost ten minutes, just amazed at the physical prowess you already have. And although I’m tempted to always feel what’s going on from the outside, I know it gets you riled up, so I’ve been trying to keep my curiosity in check.

I thought you’d like to know what’s going on in the upcoming weeks before you’re born so you can hit the ground running here with Team Hokama when you finally make it out. You should know that although we’ve been quite busy with your sisters, we think about how amazing you are every day. Your mama is starting to really feel how big you are, but it’s not your fault, it’s just the way things are. The last week of April we had a brief scare because there was a tiny amount of blood after Mama went to the gym, but it stopped, she rested, and nothing came of it. Turns out it’s a small infection that we’ll get some medicine for soon. Then when I was gone for another work trip in Berkeley, on April 8, your mama was nauseous and had blurred peripheral vision. Again, we were worried but she had just had some blood drawn, so that was probably it. Other than a couple little things like that though, your voyage has been smooth sailing (as far as we can tell from out here). We just ordered some shots of B-12 and folic acid, so you should be feeling a little boost in there soon. I’ll warn you before it happens, though, don’t worry. You’ll like it.

You should know that Keana and Maia have been having a blast with each other lately, so their team dynamic will be a strong one to support you when you come out. Just a couple days ago, when Maia woke up, Keana exclaimed, “Oh Maia! I missed you. Can I have a hug?” and Maia came and gave her a little hug. Then a minute later Keana says, “Can I have another hug Maia? That one wasn’t big enough.” You’re going to be glad you have such sweet sisters. Of course, it’s not all lovey-dovey out here as you’ve probably heard. Maia has been quite the spit-fire lately. Recently she was really upset about not getting something off the fridge, and Keana and I thought she wanted one of the pictures. So we pulled it off and asked if she wanted it. She screamed, “Nooooo!”, grabbed the picture, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it with her feet while staring me down. Fierce. So watch out for that; she’s still working on her communication skills. (Though I guess that goes for all of us out here.)

Anyway, you’ve probably already noticed, but we’re starting to do prenatals with Dr. Kopascz every other week and will be meeting with Jacque the midwife every week starting in two weeks. With you we’re doing concurrent care with an OB and a midwife, which is new territory for us. It’s just the way Jacque likes to do things, so there you go. Hope you haven’t minded the ultrasounds. You’ll be happy to know we’ve refused most of them on your behalf and there will definitely not be any more.

So that’s the gist of it. It’s time to really start preparing for your great arrival, as a family and individually, so I’ll try and give you an update every week. Oh, and this weekend I’ll see about those Team Hokama sweat/wrist bands for The Great Event. After all, this may be the last time we can rally with the legit Team Hokama birth gear.

Love,
Papa

birthdays, development

Home-birth birthday numero quatro

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Today we gathered for our monthly home-birth get-together, and we also celebrated the kids’ fourth birthdays. It’s hard to believe that it’s already been four years since we all had our first kids and that we’ve all stayed in touch. It was an amazing class, and I think it really was something special and unique for us all to go through together. There were seven kids there today, out of eight, and we all had a lot of fun. Now that the kids are so old, they pretty much just play together and run around in circles, literally, while the adults and other babies get to visit. Maia was especially social today and managed to not get plowed over at all. We’re definitely going to miss this group of people when we move, but we’re hoping that regular visits to the bay will help us keep in touch.

Little Miss Maia has been a real fire cracker lately too. She is so physical and just goes for things in a way very different from Keana. She’s very agile, turning in circles quite well for a little one, and runs and climbs like a little monkey. The other day at the park she climbed up the half-barrel for the first time, almost by herself, a feat that Keana didn’t try until she was almost a year older than Maia is now. If I hold her hands, she’ll walk right up my chest, over my face, and onto my shoulders, squealing with delight as she goes. Maia is so independent and often wants to try things for herself. She very much wants to do what everyone else is doing and refuses food that’s prepared just for her. She just pushes it aside and reaches for yours. Speaking of food, she’s our little carnivore and is usually happiest with her own sausage or hot dog to gnaw on, politely spitting the skin into her little bowl.

Keana continues to amaze us on all levels, but just last week she started to grasp the concept of adding. I asked her if she had nine monkeys and added one, how many would there be, and she quickly answered, “Ten!” She doesn’t always get it right, but the ideas are definitely sinking in. She can’t wait to start school and I’m pretty sure she’s going to be a little ring-leader. When we go to the park she’ll have all the other kids playing chase with her in a matter of minutes, whether they’re two years old or six. Quite the social butterfly. She still struggles with sharing with Maia, but at the same time is amazingly sweet to her little sister. It’s definitely been a struggle for us lately, but we’re all continuing to figure it out and maybe some day we’ll get it.

birthdays

Maia’s birth story

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Sarah had been having contractions, even strong contractions, on and off for a couple weeks, so when they returned around 5 p.m. on Saturday, November 24, I wasn’t particularly excited or alarmed. Our due date was November 28 but for whatever reason this didn’t feel like “it”. Sarah’s sister Iana had just flown up from San Diego the morning before so she would be in town when baby did actually decide to come. As we were finishing up preparing dinner Sarah began breathing deliberately to ride each contraction out and though the rest of us paused occasionally to observe, we went about our business. That’s the time of day Keana needs the most attention anyway and she was particularly excited to be having dinner with her Tia whom she hadn’t seen in weeks. It’s amazing how much attention a little Keana can gather. Even a laboring Mama on the brink of birth wasn’t gaining quite as much attention…yet.

We finished up dinner and put Keana to bed a little after 8 p.m. and the contractions were still happening, fairly strong, at regular intervals. At this point I still thought this was just “a drill”—practice for the real thing. With Keana we were so anxious, getting ourselves excited and worked up over every contraction. That went on for weeks and by the time Keana really was coming, we had already been awake for two nights and were exhausted. So this time around we knew we would do things differently. We were going to just relax and go with the flow and we’ d know when it was time to get spun up. In this spirit, Sarah decided to have a beer and see if they would stop. Earlier that day, just in case, I tested our video camera and found that the camera thought there was a lens cap on even when there wasn’t. There was no picture, just a black screen. I had called our friends down the street and Jay was going to let me borrow theirs—just in case. As Sarah had her beer and visited with Iana, I headed out to get the replacement camera and pick up some movies to help take our minds off the contractions. After all, they were going to stop pretty soon anyway, but while they were happening we needed a distraction to help us relax.

Jay met me out in front of his house and he showed me briefly how to use the camera. His wife Caroline was pregnant with their second too, so we filled each other in our current situations. I explained to him that Sarah was having contractions as we spoke and something along the lines that I didn’t think tonight was the night and they’d probably go away. I thanked him for the camera and headed to Blockbuster for the movies. I picked up the fine cinematic art pieces Shrek 3 and Knocked Up (I thought it was very appropriate as well).

When I got home Sarah had just finished her beer and the contractions had stopped. She said, “Well, maybe that beer did the trick!” and we put Shrek on. The movie hadn’t even started and the contractions returned, just as strong as before. Eventually they were too strong to focus on the movie and Iana headed off to bed, downstairs with Keana. It was around 10 p.m. I think and it was very apparent that these contractions were much stronger than previous ones. Sarah was groaning fairly loud and her face had the familiar contorting of a woman in serious labor. To be honest, even at this point, I really didn’t believe that we would be meeting our new family member soon. I put on some classical music and began to follow her around the house as she paced between contractions, supporting her when they came and trying to remain calm and breathe with her as each wave came and went. Around 11 p.m. she said, “You better start filling that birth tub if we want to use it for this birth!” Again, still in disbelief, I crept downstairs to hook up the hose to the sink in Keana’s bathroom and began filling our birth tub that had been in our living room upstairs for about two weeks.

Now you may be reading this—especially those of you out there who have experience with second births—thinking, “You crazy, clueless man! OF COURSE YOUR WIFE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH!” And it will make you even crazier when I tell that at midnight, when Sarah told me to call Cindy our midwife, that I still thought we were going through a lot of trouble for a false alarm. Being the dutiful husband I am though, I called Cindy and explained the situation. She asked if I thought she should come now and I said, “Sure, I mean, if it’s not too much trouble,” thinking that she would just have to turn around and head back to Berkeley.

She arrived shortly after and we all exchanged hugs and she observed a few of the contractions Sarah was having and said with a knowing-wisdom-tone in her voice, “Wow, those are some strong contractions aren’t they? You’re doing a wonderful job Sarah.” When I heard that supportive midwife phrase with that particular “midwifey” tone…that’s the point I think it really started to sink in—we were going to have a baby…TONIGHT!

Cindy asked if Sarah wanted her to check how far along she was, warning that it really didn’t hold as much weight with second-time mom’s. Sarah wanted to know what was going on so in between contractions Cindy examined Sarah. She was six centimeters and her cervix was very soft. The surprised look in Cindy’s face was apparent which prepared me slightly for her next statement, “I’m going to call Tenaya [our assisting midwife] and you better wake Keana up now if she wants to see this baby be born.” Well, I wasn’t quite prepared for such quick action, but quickly and nervously said “okay” and ran downstairs to alert Keana and Iana. They were both already awake, wide with excited eyes, and I asked, “Hey Baby Girl, do you want to come upstairs and see your baby brother-sister be born?” She excitedly answered yes and we headed upstairs for the action.

At this point I should backtrack a little and explain that we had been preparing Keana for some time for this moment. We knew we wanted her to be a part of the experience, but it was important for us that she made the decision as informed as a two-years-and-nine-month-old could be. We had been reading a book, Welcome With Love that had been given to us—which she absolutely loved—and had been watching the movie Birth Day. She seemed quite comfortable with all aspects of the birth process even requesting to watch the part about the placenta several times. We had been afraid that maybe childbirth was too much for a little one to handle, but the more we read and learned, and the more we did with Keana showed us that something as amazing and natural as a new life entering the world was definitely something our kid could handle. Sarah and I also took a birth class for second-time home-birthers that bolstered our confidence quite a bit. Of course we also knew that this was all good in theory, but we had to be open to all kinds of possibilities for Keana’s tolerance once the birth was actually happening—and we were about to find out.

I think the phrase “all hell broke loose” is a bit over the top for this point of the story, but it’s close. So let’s just say, at this point, all hell broke loose. The birth tub wasn’t maintaining heat very well so Cindy and Iana were boiling multiple pots of water to heat the 50-gallon tub in our dining space. Sarah had gotten in the tub to take the edge off the now very constant, very strong contractions, and Cindy was also unpacking all the tricks of her trade all over the living room. Keana was at Sarah’s head with a plastic monkey and a Dora The Explorer toothbrush as her support tools, chiming in, “You’re doing a good job getting that baby out mama!” I had gotten in the tub and was doing everything I could to support Sarah, mostly holding my hands on her lower back to help with the pain.

I remember looking around at all that was going on and thinking how strange it was how clear everything was. With Keana’s birth, not only was I a first-timer, but I was sleeping deprived and the process felt painstakingly slow. Keana’s birth heart-tones were also dropping with every contraction towards the end that added to the general feeling of a state of emergency. But here we were, almost three years later, relatively calm, in the middle of the night, things were moving quite a bit quicker. After each contraction Cindy checked the baby’s heart rate and it was maintaining a strong, steady rhythm. Each time I heard that little heartbeat through the Doppler, my own heart burst with pride for Sarah and the amazing job she was doing, and for the strength of that little being that was working her way into our world.

Tenaya showed up soon after Cindy called her and quietly went about supporting Cindy in whatever she needed; taking notes on the chart, setting up equipment, and many other things that I never saw, I’m sure. Keana was either on Iana’s lap petting Sarah’s head and cheering her on, or she was wondering around the room, inquiring about all the new, fun “toys” that Cindy brought. Cindy did an excellent job responding to Keana even as she was taking care of Sarah.

At one point during the labor, while Sarah was in the tub, it seemed that no matter how hard Sarah was pushing, the baby wasn’t moving. Cindy wasn’t sure exactly what was stalling things, but she always assured us that things were going great. After suggesting that a change in position might help, she and Sarah talked about the options and decided to move to the birth stool that she had brought. Throughout the entire process up to this point, Sarah was very present and clear-headed, and at this moment asked for some Rescue Remedy, which is a homeopathic medicine that’s supposed to aid in stressful times. After taking a dose of that, and between contractions, we moved Sarah to the birth stool, wrapping towels around her to keep her warm. Someone also placed a Chux pad on the couch for me to the furniture dry so I could sit behind Sarah to support her. After a couple contractions on the stool, Cindy asked Sarah if it was all right if she broke her water. Sarah agreed and things started to progress, but the baby still wasn’t coming out. Once again we discussed options and decided to move to the bed with Sarah pulling her knees to her head in an effort to open things up for the baby.

It was quickly apparent that this was going to do the trick and it wasn’t long before we started to see the dark, wet hair on the top of Baby’s head. It was also at the point that Sarah really began to scream and when it was too much for Keana, she into the bathroom to play in the sink. Keana had expressed earlier that she wanted to touch the baby’s head as it came out, so we asked her if she still wanted to do this. She took one look and exclaimed, “That’s too messy!” and decided to go back in the bathroom to play. After several more contractions, with Cindy gently helping Sarah to stretch, Baby’s head emerged, mouth open with sputters and a short cry. It was truly amazing. Cindy told me it was time to come catch the baby and I left Sarah’s side to be in place. With the next contraction her shoulders came through and the instant her hands were free, they shot up into the air, towards the ceiling, dramatically embracing the air about her new world. My eyes filled with tears of joy and pride and the room was filled with almost nervous laughter. It’s a magical moment when those present at a birth want to laugh and cry and scream and jump and be respectfully silent for the gravity of the situation all at once. What’s actually released seems to be all those things, each one slightly overlapping the next so what emerges is a stifled laugh, an enormous smile, and tears bursting from the corners of your eyes. Keana proclaimed how cute the little baby was and for a while, our new family member remained halfway in Sarah and halfway in our hands. When she came out she actually corkscrewed so at this point she was facing Sarah, with Sarah, Cindy, and I all holding her. The contractions had subsided a bit and we didn’t know exactly what to do. Even with Cindy’s experience she wasn’t totally sure what to do next. We knew we didn’t want to pull her out but with no contractions to push her out, the solution wasn’t clear. Baby decided for us and kicked her way out, slipping into our hands. Once free we immediately moved her to Sarah’s breast to comfort her and all present stated how perfect, amazing, and beautiful she was.

I would also like to note that until this very moment, we had no idea what the baby’s gender was. But as I passed her up to Sarah I caught a glimpse and was the first to say, “It’s a girl!” a statement that was lost in all the excitement. Secretly though I was happy that on both occasions of our children being born, I was the very first to know.

We’ve come to the point of the story where I can say the rest is history. Cindy and Tenaya went about checking Baby’s heart rate and breathing while tending to Sarah. The placenta was born without much trouble and it was complete and beautiful, and at the time of this story being written, now sits in our freezer for some momentous occasion I’m sure, of which we have no idea about at the moment.

So the short end of it is that on November 25, 2007, at 3:11 a.m., we welcomed Maia Ilani Hokama into the world. She was 6 pounds 13 ounces and was 20 inches long. Along with Sarah, Keana, and I, Tia Iana and Midwives Cindy and Tenaya were present. We couldn’t have asked for a better homebirth and there could be no second baby more beautiful, more strong, or more perfect than our Maia.

Welcome Maia. We love you.

birthdays, development

Quadripod

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So, we had a baby. It’s not news any more, but indeed on November 25, at 3:11 a.m., Maia Ilani Hokama was born. Actually, “Baby Girl” was born as we didn’t have a name chosen yet, but it was beautiful. I will be writing all about the details of the birth in her birth story, but here’s the two second version: at midnight we called Cindy the midwife, and shortly after she called her assist, I woke up Keana and Iana—who was in town to help out with Keana during The Event—and three hours later Maia was born. It all happened pretty quick and she came out, arms springing into the air, reaching out to her new world. I know, exciting huh? But I don’t have time to get into it now, so you’ll just have to wait for her “official” birth story. I will say that the love and support our family, friends, and co-workers have shown us is amazing and we are truly thankful for all the wonderful people in our lives.

Anyway, I just got an urge to sit down and write here because it’s been WAY too long. Keana has practically grown up. She forms her thoughts well in wonderful sentences and gains new ways to express herself in words and other actions every day. Growling has been a great one lately, often growling to show frustration but to also tease. This isn’t exactly new, but she’ll growl a word or a name as a type of joke which is hilarious. I’ll be sitting upstairs after her bedtime and will hear a growling, “pApAaaaa!” through the monitor. We’ve been decorating for Christmas and her new word is “breakaful”. Don’t be fooled though, this is one articulate two-year-and-nine-month-old! Her physical activity has grown too. She now goes down all the slides at the park by herself, even the tall twisty one. She also likes to climb things and has even ventured to the top of the arched monkey bars (with my assistance though). In stores Keana refuses to hold hands but follows closely behind, often galloping or dancing down the isles. Everywhere we go, especially at the local natural foods store, she is truly the star. Some of her latest phrases also include persuasion, like “C’mon, just do it!” or “Maybe we can buy one?” Yes, she has discovered how we attain all the wonderful material objects around us. You can’t get through a store with stuffed animals without at least one very sweet, tame plea for a cuddly, furry friend. My latest way around this is enlisting a “finding friend”, just while we’re at the store, to help us get what we actually need. Two days ago it was a panda that helped us find the Christmas tree skirt. I find that a short relationship, with a hug at the end, often makes for a satisfying way around buying her everything she wants (or a very sad departure). Yes folks, Keana is growing up fast and we love her more and more every day, if that’s even possible.

Now what about Maia? Well, she’s two weeks old (two weeks and nine months I guess). She actually sleeps in three, four, and five hour stretches allowing us to catch up on sleep or other daily tasks relatively easily. What I’ve been loving are those mid-sleep and waking sputters and honks that babies make. Not to mention those adorable little baby stretches. Her eyes are getting lighter and I think we may have another blue-eyed beauty in the house. She’s got that serious new baby expression with that not-quite-focusing-but-looking-at-something-intently gaze, with unbelievable smirks and smiles while sleeping. At first her eyes crossed pretty easily, but with gentle reminders from Sarah that her nose wasn’t going anywhere, those cross-eyed moments are fewer and fewer. Maia also has the longest eyelashes anyone’s ever seen on a baby (but then maybe people didn’t see her sister’s). She’s gaining weight like a champ and is starting to get some chubby cheeks, so I hope their prepared for all the kisses and squeezes that they’re in for.

Sarah is feeling better every day and has been healing at a record pace. Two weeks after the birth she’s starting to feel normal again and says if feels great. She did a phenomenal job giving birth and amazed all those around her. Those at the birth not only marveled at the alertness and vitality of Maia, but also the strength and grace of Sarah throughout the occasion. She continues to be a great mother and nothing makes me happier than to see her caught up in one one of those loving, motherly stares at Maia or Keana. We are so lucky to have her holding down the role of Mama in our house.

Last but not least, me. I’ve been amazed, happy, tired, excited, frustrated, totally stressed out, and popping with love. It’s been hard adjusting to our new life, but I think we’re doing really well. I already feel like our fridge and our garbage can reflect our new number of four.

Which brings me to the title “Quadripod”. It’s a term I started using just before Maia was born, inspired by the word “tripod”. As we all know, a tripod is a three-legged device that usual supports a camera, but all the legs come to one point and in so doing also support each other. This is kind of how I saw Sarah, Keana, and I before Maia was born. Not knowing what a four-legged device would be called I just started saying “quadripod” and funnily enough, no one even batted an eye when I used it in sentences. Example, “Yup, this new little one will make us a quadripod.” See? Sounds almost scientifically correct. Anyway, that’s what we are now and for you conventionalist, we can also stick with “family of four”, though that’s certainly less glamorous.

What else can I say? It’s been a wild ride so far, already complete with ups and downs, and I assume it will continue on in this fashion more or less, but I can already see we’re up for it and ready to roll.

development

Prep

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“Oooohhhhhh! Agh! Egh! Egh! It takes a looong time being born!” Keana says as she pretends to struggle going from the kitchen to the living room, and that pretty much sums up our current family state.

Five weeks. Saying it out loud scares us a little and then we smile and laugh nervously. Sure we’ve done this before. Keana’s birth wasn’t easy but we got through it and look at her—she’s perfect. Things have been hard but some things have been easier than we thought they’d be too. We’re still learning and figuring things out but that’s just part of the gig—that’s what parenting is. You probably learn more than you teach. So we’re ready for the inevitable end of these five weeks, right?

Sarah made a list and so mine got made too. I mean, I got my list too, but it’s different. Sarah’s list had things like rent birth tub, get baby clothes in order, sign up for “second timers” birth class. My list included get stronger to support Sarah during birth (mentally, yes, but also physically) and do whatever’s on Sarah’s list. There were a few other things on my list, but that’s the gist of it.

We’ve been gradually talking to Keana about what’s going to happen using the book Welcome With Love to help us out. Sarah and I both still can’t get through that book without crying. Iana’s agreed to be Keana’s main support person through the birth since I’ll be focusing mostly on Sarah, and our close friend, who’s also a newly certified midwife, will be our back-up until Iana can get here since Iana will be flying from San Diego. It sounds like a solid plan but you can only plan so much with this birth stuff, so in the end, you just gotta go with the flow and hope your little contingency plans are enough.

Monday night we took the second of two homebirth classes which is tailored for second-time parents. It was really good having dedicated time, just the two of us, to be reminded of some things, learn about new things, and begin to think about everything else. For instance different strategies on how to tell Keana about what to expect during birth and how to process it after. Also really good reminders like “you can do this”, “nothing is permanent so if something doesn’t work with the new family dynamic, change it”, and “remember to take care of the relationship with your partner”. It’s really interesting how some things are the same as the first time around but there are new unknowns- things we’re hearing about and that make sense- but things we know we can’t possibly understand until we’re face-to-face with them.