Photos from February 2014
Category Archives: family
Photos from December 2013
Adjusting to Down Time
I thought we’d get some time to relax after Christmas…and we have…sort of. We’ve had some time to play games together and the girls have really been enjoying all their Christmas gifts—oh, and today we built and decorated a birdhouse that’s been on the shelf since summer—but it’s been kind of stressful for me (and of course when I’m stressed out, it’s not all bubbles and cookies around these parts). I may not have had reasonable expectations as to how much time I’d need to recover from Christmas and visiting with family.
The biggest thing I’ve been struggling with is that it seems that nearly every activity includes some amount of complaining, fighting, disappointment, and/or crying. Soooo, maybe I’m not the only one that needs a recovery period. We sort of tumbled into Christmas break—recovering from being sick, finishing the crazy Nutcracker week, me back from a work trip—into a trip to Sacramento to visit my family and time around here with Sarah’s family. Now we’re floating in non-structured time on a sea of expectations.
It’s hard not to have expectations about what vacation should be: it should be fun, we should have lots of time together, we should enjoy said time together, we should get to sleep in, we should get out town, we should all be more relaxed and rested, and on and on and on. The reality is…something not quite like that…and I’m struggling with accepting this. Yes, there is some fun and maybe a little more down time. Maybe we can get out of town to the mountains for a day, but we really can’t afford to go away for a night or three. I miss the beach, a lot, but maybe that’s not in the cards. Air quality is shitty right now so there are actually large chunks of the day where we need stay inside.
Basically, this is life and I need to get over it—we all do. Tomorrow morning we’ll have a little family powwow and see if can regroup and figure out how to make the rest of this break a little more fun and relaxing for everyone. And I’m going to take an acceptance pill tonight and have a better day tomorrow.
Photos from November 2013
Paulina Lake and Letting Go
I haven’t been finding time to write but it’s not just “life getting in the way” or being too busy—at least not completely. I like telling our stories as they happen and sometimes there are stories that are hard to tell. Maybe there’s a lot of detail or pieces to it, or maybe there’s a lot of emotion involved. And the story that covers both these bases, and that’s been holding me up lately, is our trip to Paulina Lake, Oregon that we took in mid-July.
It was a family reunion of sorts, with my mom’s side, but not everyone was there—most notably my Uncle Vic, who committed suicide last December. When family came down from Oregon for the funeral, plans were set in motion to follow through on a “reunion” trip he and our cousin Heidi had talked about earlier. Since 1948 (Grandma will correct me if I’m wrong) the Hubbards/Petersons had been going to Paulina Lake for summer fishing. My brother and I went a few times as kids—it’s where I met and got to know family from Oregon and where I learned to fish. And basically some configuration of that side of our family had been fishing there for what today, I think, classifies as “forever.” My uncle grew up fishing at Paulina, playing on the boat and shores with his sisters and cousins, and always seemed at peace and happy there, as is evidenced by many photos of him. I especially love the classic 80s shots of him up at the lake where he’s got a hat and tank top on, and a mustached smile across his joyful and mischievous face.
So we had an opportunity to not only reunite with family but also to have one final celebration of a life cut far too short. I admit it wasn’t easy for me to say yes. I hadn’t seen a lot of the family in over 20 years, and hadn’t even met some of the newer members. I knew it was going to be awkward and hard, and on top of all that, my brother wasn’t going. We had always gone together as kids and even now as an adult, with kids of my own, I still wanted him along to help me navigate the family waters.
The drive up was tough: 10 hours in the car, split into two days. We stopped in Redding knowing that if we tried to drive it all in one day, the kids would not be even remotely close to being able to handle camping, fishing, and meeting new family. When we arrived on Monday, July 15, the mosquitos were horrendous. Cousin Tom had said they were bad, but they were camping too (instead of staying in cabins), so I figured it couldn’t be too bad. BIG mistake. Luckily Grandma Linda had room in her cabin because after one night at the campgrounds, we were done. Literally millions of tiny blood-suckers.
The first full day there we took a boat ride around the lake to scout memorial sites with Great Grandma and Grandpa, and the kids loved being out on the lake in the aluminum 8 ft. boats with outboard motors. It was their first real boat ride and they loved it. No sickness and little fear. Later that day we went out fishing and each of them caught their first fish. I was in the boat with Maia, Aunt Janet, and my mom, and we had barely gotten our lines in the water when Maia said, “I think I have something.” She was so calm and followed my mom’s instructions perfectly. I couldn’t believe that in under 5 minutes of her very first time fishing, she had snagged one. Sure enough, she reeled in a nice little rainbow trout. Maia was excited—maybe even as much as the rest of us—and Grandma Linda cried.
I was excited and proud to see that Keana, who had been out trolling with her Great Grandparents and Grandpa Sam, had caught two of her own. We headed back to the cabins and Great Grandma showed them each how to clean their fish, just as she had done with me 23 or 24 years before. They weren’t really grossed out, mostly fascinated, and Keana loves to eat fish so much, I think she was happy just to know that she had at least two to eat later.
The next night Team Hokama wasn’t so lucky. I was out with Aliya, Sarah, my mom, and Aunt Janet, with no luck for a couple hours. On a final effort before heading in, I snagged a little rainbow and tried to get Aliya to help me reel it in. Upon getting it in the boat we saw that it was barely big enough to keep—maybe 8 inches—but when Aliya saw it she exclaimed, “It’s just my size, Papa!” so my doubts about keeping it pretty much melted away. She was pretty excited about the whole thing so I called it hers and we called it a night.
Throughout our four days there we basically fished, played in the cabins, and visited with family. It was hard to make connections with the family from Oregon, but it was still great to see them again and meet the newer, younger members. There’s really no way to catch up on lifetimes in one fishing trip, so I really saw this as one step in the right direction.
On Thursday, our last day, we all headed out in our boats, 23 of us, across the lake to a quiet shore for one final farewell to Uncle Vic. We all lined up as my mom said a few words and read a prayer, and I played Summertime on my trumpet with an improvised intro based on Flamenco Sketches (by Miles Davis and Bill Evans). As I played, everyone scattered little bottles of Vic’s ashes that my grandma had put together for the occasion. It’s amazing how much grief is left even after 7 months. I found some closure though in sharing stories of him with those that didn’t know him very well or hadn’t had a chance to meet him. It was pretty special to be in that beautiful setting, with the lake and fishing and almost all our family, to bring back happy (and often hilarious) memories of the man we loved.
After the service we all rode back to the docks, leaving a trail of rose petals on a smooth-as-glass lake, and prepared for the last day of fishing and the traditional closing fish-fry. After an early dinner we headed out, but the waters were choppy so we had to reel it in after just a little bit. Even though we had to head in early, I felt very privileged to have spent the last night fishing with my grandparents and two of my daughters (Aliya was in another boat with Sarah, Grandma Linda, Grandpa Sam, and Great Aunt Janet). They weren’t having any luck either until they sprinkled a little bit of Uncle Vic’s ashes over the side of the boat for good luck, and almost immediately, hooked some fish.
We packed early the next morning, said our goodbyes to the family from Oregon/Washington, had breakfast just down the hill in La Pine with the Peterson side, and hit the road. The ride to Redding was rough. The kids were sad to go and tired beyond tired. Somehow we prevailed though through tears and much frustration, and were more than relieved to be at the hotel. The final leg back to Fresno the next day was much smoother, and it felt really good to be back home.
What an epic trip. It was the kids first super-long car ride and first trip to Oregon. We reconnected with a lot of family and paid our final respects to Uncle Vic. There was so much joy and excitement with first fish caught and new, unfamiliar territory, and there was a lot sadness and tears shed too. Letting go is hard—but letting go while opening so many doors at the same time was also healing.
Sharing Through Performance
As the end of the school year approaches, so do the performances. At this point we’re not performance heavy, but there’s still enough to keep us busy on these last few weekends before summer.
On April 25 Keana had her “Notables” “thing” which was a chance for all the second-graders to dress up like a famous person in history they had been learning about, and share a short spoken piece about their person. Being drawn to strong women, Keana chose Sacagawea and was especially excited about the dressing up part. We borrowed some authentic Native American pieces from Grandma Jennie and even wrapped up a little baby to further authenticate the performance. Learning about Sacagawea was also a great experience for Keana to process a different culture and a different place in history and amidst the sharing of facts that she learned along the way, she often had lots of questions about why certain things happened and why they’re different (or the same) now.
This last weekend, May 11, Maia performed in the California Arts Academy production of The Wizard of Oz. Keana and Maia are both in ballet, but the performance-specific class was only open for Maia’s category by the time we enrolled in January. Grandma Linda and Grandpa Sam drove over from Sacramento and from Fresno, Tia, Grandma Jennie, and Grandma Bev were all in attendance.
For her little performance as a flower in Munchkin Land, there sure were a lot of extra rehearsals. Maia absolutely loved every minute of it—especially the extra rehearsals at different locations—but I’m looking forward to her having a bigger part in the future. I know she’s only five, but she is really drawn to performing and seems to have a lot of natural talent. Most importantly, she loves it. It also doesn’t hurt that the teachers she’s had so far have been very impressed by her and encouraged her (and Keana too) to really pursue dancing. So we’ll see. Gotta keep my competitive nature in check, but still try and make these opportunities available for the girls…and maybe give them a little push to get out there.
Unfortunately we couldn’t tape Maia’s performance, but you’ll just have to imagine how adorable she was and what a joy she was to watch. Sarah and I both got a little teary-eyed for sure. I don’t think it matters what your kid is doing on that stage. For that brief moment it’s as if there’s a single spotlight and mic just for them. I think it’s an important skill to have—being able to perform in front of an audience—and I think it’s a great way for kids to share something they create with other kids and adults. Definitely looking forward to more of this.
Next up: “Authors Night” at Keana’s school where all the students share a book they’ve written and illustrated in a sort of book fair, open to the school community. Always one of Keana’s favorite school events.
To the Snow!
Well, it wasn’t easy, but we did it. And we brought Tia and Cousin Olivia with us. After a night and morning scrambling to acquire snow gear and pack it, our caravan headed up to Shaver Lake to play in the snow.
We weren’t exactly sure where to go, but luckily Sarah remembered there was a snow park up the hill from the lake. Just when we thought we had gone too far, it appeared. The only catch was that we didn’t buy snow park permits when we were in town. We considered rolling the dice, but decided the $94.50 fine was too much to gamble with. (And yes, where the hell do you come up with a fine of that value? $94.50? Not $90 or $95. So. Silly.) So I ran back to town to get our $5 permits so we could play without worry.
In general, the kids had a blast. I think Aliya had a little sledding wipeout with Sarah that made her a little weary of the snow, but she was also tired. In fact, she fell asleep in Sarah’s arms and they hung out under a pine tree while we played. Keana and Maia handled a little hill on their own, helping each other up it and sailing down with Maia in front (see video below). When I got back from getting our permits, I took Maia and Keana on a bigger hill and had so much fun sledding with them. Now that they’re older we can do more daring things, which I love. And to be out in the crisp, fresh air, surrounded by beautiful, snowy scenery—it was really what this vacation needed.
Saying Goodbye to Uncle Vic
It’s that phone call you never want to get and never expect. Mine came on a cold, rainy Thursday—December 6, actually—from my mom. She never calls out of the blue so I knew something was up, but I never imagined what I was I about to be told. “Uncle Vic’s dead,” she said. And I guess she went on to tell how she heard and when and what we knew so far, but I was already crumpling, the first wave of many tears and sobs welling up and taking over. I got off the phone and just sat, half on my office chair, half slumped over on the bed, my face buried in the comforter.
Keana was the first to come in the room, initially wanting to ask for help on her homework, then realizing that something was terribly wrong. I told her what happened and she began to cry too. I wondered how much she understood or if she was responding to me, but it didn’t really matter. A hole had been left in our little universe and it was already sucking pieces of us into it. There was really nothing to do but hold each other and cry. Then I went down the hall and Sarah, with a glance, immediately knew. More hugs. More tears. Maia had questions but is still too young to fully comprehend I think, and Aliya just tried to make sense of it all by asking, “You sad Papa? You sad?” It might have been the first time she had ever seen me cry and one of the only times Keana or Maia had seen their parents so struck with grief.
Uncle Vic was a wild boy. He masked his sensitivity with crass humor and sarcasm. He never failed to embarrass me—and usually himself too—at family gatherings, especially during those sensitive teenage years. Just last year he often cracked jokes about my beard making me look like a terrorist as he would embrace me in a big hug. As a man, he taught me how to have fun, how to dance, and how to not take myself too seriously. He was one of the only men in my life that was consistent, caring, and reliable. For all his faults, he was always there when I needed him. When I graduated from high school, on my wedding day, and every family gathering he made sure I knew he loved me and that “all I had to do was ask.” When Aliya had to be transported to UCSF for the complications during her birth, who were the first two people I saw as I got off the elevator to the NICU after a long drive from Fresno? My brother and Uncle Vic.
It’s been a little over three weeks now since his death and we’re still trying to answer questions. For myself, I’ve mostly stopped, but last night Keana and Maia were asking questions about his death at the dinner table. As with most sensitive subjects, our approach has been to answer their questions directly but simply, only elaborating if more questions are asked. At the funeral Keana surprised us by asking to speak during the open mic portion of the service. She shared how she would miss him and had to cut it a little short when she started crying. I think everything really set in for her during the funeral. Seeing pictures from his life, hearing others share, and probably most importantly, hearing and seeing how his death affected his three girls that he left behind.
I really don’t know how to wrap this post up, but Uncle Vic’s death has certainly left a hole in our lives, and there’s really no way to fill the holes that are left when those we love die. I think we just get used to them as time goes on, but they’re always there, never forgotten.
Maia Turns the Big Five
Our sweet, petite, middle firecracker is now five. Maia has brought so much life and love into our already brimming lives and we had a wonderful day celebrating her. Of course she has challenged us in ways that Keana and Aliya haven’t, but just as unique as her challenges are, so are her amazing attributes. For instance, though each of the girls have a great sense of humor, our Little Maíj continues to be especially gifted in cracking us up. The edge that she has makes her fierce but it also makes her extremely funny and able to understand and express humor like no other little munchkin I know.
Since Maia turned four she’s just grown on every level—physically, emotionally, and able to show off her mental brilliance—becoming more and more like a young girl and less and less like a little kid. And now that she’s five, we can’t wait to be along for all the great changes and growth in store for her (and us) this next year. So how did this little girl spend her special day?
Well, it started off with a trip to the grocery store, just her and me, to get the crucial ingredients for her favorite breakfast: belgian waffles and bacon. She was also able to pick out her cake and tell the baker exactly what she wanted written on top. We happened to have some whip cream left over from Thanksgiving, so that wasn’t a bad addition to the waffles. We had a nice little dance party to some of her favorite songs while making breakfast, and after breakfast set up a video chat with Grandma Linda and Grandpa Sam who had sent presents in the mail a few days ago. It’s become a sort of tradition to have them along virtually to enjoy the mayhem of the girls opening their presents. Maia even had a little time to chat with them on her own, somewhat uninterrupted. Then we headed to the zoo to meet Grandma Jennie, Tia Iana, Cousin Olivia, and Uncle Michael (on his last day here before heading back to Santa Cruz). It was such a privilege to see Maia run from animal to animal exhibit, radiating happiness, a smile plastered ear-to-ear, surrounded by some of her favorite people. There’s a great hill at the zoo too that the kids like to run up and down, so we took a break there to open presents. Throughout our visit Maia would exclaim, “This is turning out to be the best birthday ever!”
When we got home from the zoo, she and Keana enjoyed some of her new gifts while Aliya napped, then I headed out to pick up some Chinese food, her favorite dinner meal. I think the thought of that delicious chocolate cake that was waiting nearby may have hindered her appetite a little. We won’t know for sure unless she wakes up at 4 a.m. and says, “Papa, feed me, I’m hungry!” Aliya had a particularly hard time watching Maia get all the presents and eventually had to be taken off to her room, crying. I think she was easily distracted by a game of hide-and-seek under the covers with Sarah though.
And that’s pretty much how this day-long celebration went for Maia. She was exhausted by the end of it and now our big five-year-old is sleeping soundly with her new dolls tucked in under the covers on one side of her, and the best birthday assistant, Keana, tucked in on the other.
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The Last Trip of Summer, For Reals
Well, I wrote about our last trip of summer, but we actually had one more that I haven’t covered yet. It was definitely a highlight before we started this whole school business, so I wanted to be sure to get it in.
Grandma Jennie and I took off the Tuesday before school started (8/14), and we were going to do a Team Hokama+Grandma trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but it was going to be too expensive but still wanted to something special and a little different. So we opted for a day at the beach and rented a minivan, Grandma packed a picnic lunch, and we headed out to (I think) Seacliff State Beach near Aptos.
Having Grandma in the car with us certainly kept the kids entertained—the built-in DVD player didn’t hurt either—and we made pretty good time, arriving just before lunchtime, to a foggy, but not-too-cold beach. The girls went straight to work running up and down the beach, getting into the water, and playing in the sand. They could barely sit still long enough to eat, but the fact that Grandma had made and packed a peach pie with plenty of whipping cream was a pretty strong attraction at the blanket eating area.
After a couple hours, Aliya fell asleep and napped for a little while under a makeshift shelter (since we forgot our umbrella), while Maia and Keana laid in the warmer sand, stalking seagulls. Keana and Maia also played for a little while with another boy about their age, but mostly were entertained by each other, Mama, Papa, and Grandma. One of best things though was a visit from a pod of dolphins (see video below) that must have been fishing just a few meters off the shore. They stuck around for a while, going back and forth, and sometimes flipped their tails and fins out of the water, playfully, for our enjoyment. That was the first time I had seen dolphins around that part of the coast, even after living in Santa Cruz for 7 years, so it was pretty special for all of us.
I was also impressed when both girls wanted to be buried in the sand, and Jennie and Sarah had fun making them into mummies, mermaids, and even sea horses. Keana doesn’t usually mind rolling around in the sand and waves at the beach, but Maia really doesn’t like getting sandy, so I think it was actually a pretty huge step for her.
By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, we were all pretty tired and hungry and ready for some less sandy scenery. We found a nearby bbq joint called Sid’s Smokehouse and had a great dinner together to top of a great day at the beach. The ride home wasn’t as quiet as you’d think, all three of them staying awake, still vibrating from the exciting day with Grandma at their favorite of all places: the beach.
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