Category Archives: birthdays

Limping Into Summer

The first week of summer is done and gone and we’re already halfway into the next. It feels like Team Hokama has barely survived so far. We started out tired, having returned from a three-day weekend trip to Sacramento celebrating Great Grandpa Vic’s 80th birthday. This seemed okay since hey, it’s summer(!), and there will be plenty of time to rest and play, right? Not so.

Last Tuesday afternoon (June 17), while Keana and Sarah were at Keana’s physical therapy appointment—yes, a couple more weeks before her sprained knee is back to normal—I was on a phone call and I heard Maia and Aliya busy playing. They can be quite the dynamic duo, busying themselves all over the house with this or that, and I didn’t think anything of their little chatter until I hear a BANG, CRASH, and Maia screams, “Papa! Papa! Help! It Hurts!” I quickly got off the phone and found Maia on the floor of the laundry room, on her back, one shoulder in the cat water dish. Aliya was standing by the dryer, door open. I tried to get her to tell me where it hurt amidst the sobs, but it was impossible. At that moment, she didn’t know what had happened, she was just in pain.

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How to Capture a Birthday?

Birthdays are some of those tough moments for me to capture in words. I can (and have in the past) just given an account of what happened, which is fine, but that approach doesn’t capture all the intricate, deep thoughts and feelings I have as I think about each kids’ birthday and what a big deal it is when any of us make it through another year.

Two different friends of mine had their first kids on Keana’s birthday this weekend, which was a great reminder at how far we’ve come. Keana is still the sweet, playful, beautiful, bright-blue-eyed girl she’s always been, year after year, but of course she’s maturing. Her thoughts, feelings, and understanding of the world continue to deepen every day and it’s really an honor to witness. She’s growing gracefully and takes all the new, exciting changes in her life in stride. She’s interested in everything growing up entails, and so far has embraced it all without fear. In fact, she’s happy to be growing up and seems to enjoy her increasing abilities and freedom.

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No Rest Till Santa Comes

Like just about everyone else, the holiday season is always busy for us. This year, though, it seems even more so. Maia’s birthday has gone on for what seems like weeks now. We celebrated it here at the ned of November, on the day of, quietly, then up in Sacramento with The Petersons after Thanksgiving. Then again, yesterday, with her friends from school. Oh. My. Lamb. We had a house full of about 10 kindergartners and their lovely parents. Throw in a cousin and a couple more from ballet class, and you have the energy for an actual whirlwind.

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Turning Six and Balancing Expectations

maia_turns_sixBirthday’s can be tricky. They’re supposed to be fun and special, but they also tend to get wrapped up in expectations. For the kids, this plays out by them having a hard time enjoying the moment—thinking about the next fun thing—or being disappointed with their presents. We, as parents, want to do what we can to encourage them to enjoy what’s happening as it happens, and have to know that no matter how hard to we try, we’ll never be able to create the perfect birthday for our kids.

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A Story to Own

All StyleI don’t want Aliya’s birthday to always be about her dramatic entrance into the world followed by a recount of the emergency plane ride to UCSF’s NICU and her week-long stay there. I don’t want her birthday to become some sort of quasi-joyous occasion with the shadow of how she got here always looming with looks of concern or pity around the room. Yet, as much as I don’t want that, it is part of her story and it’s part of what makes her life with us, now, so amazing. And maybe because it’s a story with a happy ending, it’s a pretty damn exciting birthday story to have.

How she got here aside, every day she grows and develops into a less and less tiny bundle of the best of both of us. Just like her sisters before her, she amazes us with her brilliance, wit, agility, creativity, ferocity, sweetness, and just plain kick-assery. I mean, if “kick-ass” can’t be used to define three, what can? What else is there to say? Happy Birthday Aliya. You’re three and you earned it.

A New Season

Freshly 8, Keana Swings on The Swing We MadeFor those of you that know me, you know I love baseball and I love my Giants. I also happen to be one of those people that believes baseball is a metaphor for just about everything in life. Don’t worry, this won’t be a baseball analogy post, but the Giants just started their new season, and as they were starting spring training, lots of things were in transition with Team Hokama too.

First and foremost, Keana turned 8. Somewhere between getting ready for her party, my good friend Larry’s wedding, and a landslide of work, I have yet to document this momentous occasion. So here it is, the official entry in our record books. We did our usual trip to sushi and over spring break hosted a party for her friends. The only problem was that no one showed. I know, very disappointing. We took a risk having it over break and we’ll never do that again. We know every one of her friends really wanted to come, but it wasn’t totally up to them. It was one of those tough “life moments” as a parent, having to watch your child experience that kind of disappointment, and not being able to fix it. Luckily Tia and Cousin Olivia came, so that made it more special. We were at the park, so we ran around a bunch and played chase on the play structure, and of course had plenty of chocolate cake.

Keana is growing up in every way imaginable. She’s able to communicate any thought or feeling with just about any type of person. The more she learns and understands the world around her, the taller and brighter she seems. It’s like that shift you see as a parent when your kid leaps (seemingly overnight) from being a toddler to a “real kid”—there’s been an almost a perceptible change in the eyes, as if you can actually see them seeing the world differently. She’s tall, freckled, elegant, hilarious, determined, brilliant, beautiful, and completely comfortable in her own skin. And she still doesn’t mind us calling her Zooba, which I love. Tonight she helped me barbecue chicken, putting it on the grill and painting the sauce on, and I told her I had images of her being the only one of her friends in college that could properly grill. Watching her blaze the trail before her sisters is awe-inspiring and somehow heartbreaking at the same time.

And guess who’s going to follow in big sissy’s footsteps in just 4 short months? That’s right, Big Maíj has been accepted to kindergarten at Keana’s school. It’s not really a surprise, but we’re trying to make this leap as special and unique as we can for Maia. Of course she’s a little apprehensive and scared now, but it’s fun to see how ready she is and that hidden excitement behind the fear. The sleep chart with stickers is still working like a charm and she seems to be the one responding the best to our not-so-new gluten/dairy-free diet. I’m not sure I’ve seen any behavioral changes necessarily, but certainly there have been some improvements in the digestive realm. She, too, is seeing and understanding more of the world and for Maia, I think a big part of what that means is more risk-taking. In physical ways she’s been more adventurous than Keana, but socially that hasn’t necessarily been the case. I recently made some trapeze bars and swings for the trees in our front yard and she was the first one to figure out how to hang from them upside down and run and jump onto them, sending herself spinning in a mini-whirlwind. Maia’s athletic prowess is really fun and exciting to watch and I’m excited to watch her grow and thrive in “regular” school soon.

Last but never least, Aliya. Aliya Aliya Aliya. What a spirit. The leap in her ability to communicate this past month has been phenomenal. She can tell you just about anything she has on her mind and has been asking tons of questions about everything she sees and hears. She’s recently stopped fighting putting on a diaper at night—she’s totally potty trained during the day—but on 3/10 she fought the nightly diaper fiercely, and when Sarah was getting Maia ready for bed and pulled out Maia’s underwear, she said, “Hey! Those are my underwear!” So Sarah asked if she wanted to try sleeping without a diaper and she said yes. Then before Sarah turned out the light she reminded Aliya that she didn’t have a diaper on and she said, “I’m not going to pee in my crib.” So that was pretty definitive and we thought it might just be time. The next morning I asked Aliya how the night went without diaper and she said, “I peed in my underwear. I peed in my crib.” Very matter-of-fact…and she’s still wearing the diaper at night. However, she has recently been asking to sleep in a “normal” bed, so I see some big changes on the way for her. I have to admit I’m not quite ready to make another night-time-sleeping transition, but who am I to stand in the way of progress?

One thing I absolutely love about Aliya is her confidence. I don’t know how many times a day I tell her to be careful and every time she replies, “I am careful, Papa.” It’s this same confidence that has certainly landed her the award for “baby that’s fallen the most,” but she doesn’t let it stop her, and I love that—even if it scares me. Last night, as I waited to drift off to sleep, a memory from the day’s events played through my mind like a movie: we were in the front yard, with Maia, having (barefoot) foot races up and down the driveway, and without any reason or prompting, Aliya takes off full speed. As she’s careening around the corner—and as I’m wincing with worry that she’s going to bail on the concrete—I shout, “Careful Babe-in!” She whips out of sight but I hear her adorable voice trailing off, “I know Papa. I am careful!”

She didn’t fall. In fact, as she came running back, careening around that same corner towards me, she had a huge smile of shear joy plastered on her face as if to say, “See Papa. I’m fine. Let’s do it again.”

Maia Turns the Big Five

Our sweet, petite, middle firecracker is now five. Maia has brought so much life and love into our already brimming lives and we had a wonderful day celebrating her. Of course she has challenged us in ways that Keana and Aliya haven’t, but just as unique as her challenges are, so are her amazing attributes. For instance, though each of the girls have a great sense of humor, our Little Maíj continues to be especially gifted in cracking us up. The edge that she has makes her fierce but it also makes her extremely funny and able to understand and express humor like no other little munchkin I know.

Since Maia turned four she’s just grown on every level—physically, emotionally, and able to show off her mental brilliance—becoming more and more like a young girl and less and less like a little kid. And now that she’s five, we can’t wait to be along for all the great changes and growth in store for her (and us) this next year. So how did this little girl spend her special day?

Well, it started off with a trip to the grocery store, just her and me, to get the crucial ingredients for her favorite breakfast: belgian waffles and bacon. She was also able to pick out her cake and tell the baker exactly what she wanted written on top. We happened to have some whip cream left over from Thanksgiving, so that wasn’t a bad addition to the waffles. We had a nice little dance party to some of her favorite songs while making breakfast, and after breakfast set up a video chat with Grandma Linda and Grandpa Sam who had sent presents in the mail a few days ago. It’s become a sort of tradition to have them along virtually to enjoy the mayhem of the girls opening their presents. Maia even had a little time to chat with them on her own, somewhat uninterrupted. Then we headed to the zoo to meet Grandma Jennie, Tia Iana, Cousin Olivia, and Uncle Michael (on his last day here before heading back to Santa Cruz). It was such a privilege to see Maia run from animal to animal exhibit, radiating happiness, a smile plastered ear-to-ear, surrounded by some of her favorite people. There’s a great hill at the zoo too that the kids like to run up and down, so we took a break there to open presents. Throughout our visit Maia would exclaim, “This is turning out to be the best birthday ever!”

When we got home from the zoo, she and Keana enjoyed some of her new gifts while Aliya napped, then I headed out to pick up some Chinese food, her favorite dinner meal. I think the thought of that delicious chocolate cake that was waiting nearby may have hindered her appetite a little. We won’t know for sure unless she wakes up at 4 a.m. and says, “Papa, feed me, I’m hungry!” Aliya had a particularly hard time watching Maia get all the presents and eventually had to be taken off to her room, crying. I think she was easily distracted by a game of hide-and-seek under the covers with Sarah though.

And that’s pretty much how this day-long celebration went for Maia. She was exhausted by the end of it and now our big five-year-old is sleeping soundly with her new dolls tucked in under the covers on one side of her, and the best birthday assistant, Keana, tucked in on the other.

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