Category Archives: development

development

Sass Monkey

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Little Miss Keana is quite the sass-monkey. It’s not that she’s rude or disobedient, but the girl’s got some fire. The phrase “if you give them an inch, they’ll go a mile” was created for Keana. We are far from a militant household, but we have to run a pretty tight ship to keep things from spinning out of control.

Bedtime has been a big one on and off in Keana’s life, and it’s really interesting to see how her little ways have carried from infancy until now. For instance when she was 8 months old she would play with my lower lip while I rocked her to sleep, trying to distract me from the task at hand. The three-year-old version of that is saying things like, “I’m hungry!” even though she just ate, or (my favorite) “My eyebrows hurt!” Just about anything to delay sleep-time. Another interesting thing is I think she really got used to us all sleeping in the same space while camping, and she really liked it. So when we got home from the campout this year, sleeping alone in her room just wasn’t appealing. She would say, “Can I sleep with you guys” or “Can you just sleep on the floor next to me?” At first I would just lay next to her until she was almost asleep, but that evolved into waking up in the middle of the night, every night, to make this request. We finally got that one locked down and now we’re dealing with getting her to stay in her bed…ah the joys of running a happy dictatorship (i.e. parenting).

After saying all that though, Keana really is a complete angel and we still consider ourselves very fortunate to have such a smart, sensitive, and hilarious first born!

development

Good work little baby

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I’ve been needing to write about all the good work little Miss Maia has been doing:

Talking
At about five months (around April 2008), Maia started saying “mama”. This of course makes sense she’s always been a mama’s girl. And at first we asked ourselves if we were hearing things or just being eager, proud parents, but indeed she was using “mama” to gets Sarah’s attention or to ask for Sarah when she was upset. It was especially clear when Sarah was gone and Maia would sadly but clearly say, “Ma-ma! Ma-ma!” In the last three weeks Maia’s added a slightly different version that’s almost “papa”.

In the last two months she’s really started to squeal and experiment with her volume as well, often screaming out uncontrollably then looking up at us smiling. Hilarious. And although this isn’t necessarily in the “talking” category, Maia has really become a laugher. At first she was our serious little baby but in the last month Maia’s sense of humor has really blossomed. Her smile is amazing and her laugh just makes your heart melt. She’s also started to smile more with people she doesn’t know as well and it’s really cute when she smiles sheepishly and then melts back into your chest shyly. And for the record, I think she’s going to be a full-tooth smiler like her big sister and papa.

Action
Maia has always been squirrelly and strong, right from her first hours, and we’ve coined the name Action Baby for her. She still loves to jump and jump while being held and rarely sits still on your lap or in your arms. She loves bath time and of course, jumping in the water. Sometimes she jumps so vigorously that she splashes the water everywhere and Keana, who’s carefully playing some flavor of make-believe with her toys, gets upset and shouts, “Hey Maia, stop splashing!”. Maia also can’t stay leaning back. No matter where she is, she wants to be sitting upright. No relaxing for this girl. Which definitely led to her latest big breakthrough of sitting up by herself. Three weeks ago she started sitting up on her own and again, our lives are changed forever. Sitting up on her own allows her to entertain herself better and allows Sarah to have a little break to do house stuff or play with Keana. Of course being more autonomous has its perils. Keana loves playing with Maia which sometimes includes pushing Maia over and tackling her. We’re really trying not to be overbearing parents, but Maia is still a little helpless. I definitely try and take cues from Maia and if she’s laughing and smiling at Keana, I fight off my papa bear. Keana is still learning the boundaries of playing safely with Maia, but she’ll get there. Oh, and recently, about three weeks ago, Maia waved and has been waving hello ever since (not so much good-bye yet).

Bottom Line
Maia is progressing like a champ and is definitely doing her thing for Team Hokama. Keana has set the bar high but little Mai Mai is having no trouble reaching it.

development

Poor little baby

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(Started and almost finished 6/3/08. Since this was written the teething has been more manageable.)

Poor little Maia is having an especially hard time with teething lately. She’s always preferred to be held, but lately Sarah has barely been able tot set her down at all, which makes an already long day with the two little ladies that much longer. Sarah goes to work out two nights a week (and on Saturdays) and that’s always a little tough on both the girls since during the week it’s right around dinner time. I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s hard on me too, but I know it’s important for Sarah to not only exercise, but also have a little something just for herself too. Anyway, Wednesday night (6/4) was really tough with the little teether. The three of us barely managed dinner and I actually left mine mostly unfinished as I tried to calm Maia. I can usually put her in the sling and rock her to sleep, but on this night I think her teeth hurt too much to let the sleep take over.

I tried everything and finally decided maybe a bath would do the trick. Up until this point Keana had been doing a great job with putting up with her distraught sister and her distracted dad and seemed ready to move on to the bath. So we all hopped in and Maia continued to cry and cry and I had to try to just be okay with the fact that there was just nothing I could do, and just hope the remaining time without Sarah would go by quickly.

Sarah walked in the door to little Miss Maia splashing and sobbing, with a frustrated Papa and a worn out sister. Thank God Sarah was home and thank God every night isn’t like this.

development

Debriefing with Maia at 3 a.m.

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Last night/this morning at 3:30 a.m. Maia was wide awake. I heard Sarah say, “It’s time for sleep Maia!” as she pushed Maia over to my side of the bed. “She’s been awake for hours!” Sarah said and she rolled over and covered herself up signaling the passing of the “put-the- kid-to-sleep”. I sat there for a moment hoping that Sarah was exaggerating and that Maia would just drift off to sleep once she felt the warmth of her papa’s arm…right, fat chance. She was wiggling. She was arching her back. She was groaning, squealing, and talking. She was wide awake indeed.

I got out of bed and began to gently rock her and she quieted right down. After about five minutes she began arching her back and fussing for Mama. I figured it had been just enough time to remind her of what she was missing out on, and put her back in bed, next to Sarah to nurse, which she did, and then she started to drift off to sleep. “Hey, that was pretty easy!” I thought to myself and began to doze off.

Five minutes later I felt Sarah slide Maia back over to my side. First attempt failed—round two. I immediately got up, began rocking and singing softly, “Go to sleep little Maia…” and again, Maia quieted right down. And again, five minutes later, began fussing and arching her back. Sarah suggested I turn on the bathroom light—because Maia likes to be able to see what’s going on—and get the sling. So I turned on the light and Maia sneezed—as she always does when the light goes on at night; funny huh?—and I got the sling and put Maia inside. She was definitely more at peace and she began to groan/mumble. On and on she went. Then she put her wrist up to her mouth and continued on, now making a buzzing sound with her saliva against her wrist. I stayed quiet and just listened and rocked as Maia continued to make these noises which were getting softer and softer. At that moment it struck me, maybe she just needed to get the day off her little chest? She was asleep when I got home from teaching at 10 p.m., and she hadn’t seen me in 15 hours, so maybe she just needed to tell me about her day in a groany, buzzy, sleepy-baby kind of way? She did this for about 10 minutes and konked out. It reminded me that even little babies that can’t “talk” need to just be listened to sometimes.

I set her back in bed and laid down myself. Ah, success. Thirty seconds had passed and then the friggin cat walks in and starts clawing at my side of the bed and then threatens to knock things off the dresser if I don’t give him some lovin’. What can I say? Maybe the kids just really missed me yesterday? I grabbed my pillow and headed out to the living room floor so Miko wouldn’t wake Maia up. In an hour-and-half Keana would up and I had to get some sleep. Before I knew it the sun was up, Keana was calling, and there was a fur ball curled up by feet. As I shook off the stiff neck/back/shoulders I thought, “Man! That was rough. Good morning Wednesday, guess we better get this thing rolling.”

birthdays, development, family, trips

Turning three and other adventures

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Somehow along the way I forgot to write down the events surrounding and including Keana’s third birthday. As you all know, her birthday was March 22 and we had planned to go to Fresno to celebrate with Grandma Jennie. But Keana and Maia ended up getting pretty sick the week leading up to the weekend of the 22nd, that we felt a road trip would be about the worse possible thing, so we postponed it to the following weekend.

Instead we had a mellow celebration opening some gifts in the morning, including some that had been shipped in from the Grandmas, and enjoying a nice cheeseburger, fries, and vanilla shake in the backyard. It was sunny and warm with the slightest breeze to keep things cool. During Keana’s nap I ran to a local bakery and got a fruit tart for birthday dessert—they were all out of fun cake stuff—and some supplies to barbecue. When Keana woke up from her nap, we barbecued tri-tip and followed up dinner with candles, singing, and some tart. Even though it wasn’t the birthday extravaganza we had originally planned, it turned out well and we were all more than happy to just have it be a mellow event with just our Quadripod.

The following weekend, traveling on Friday March 28, we drove to Fresno for the birthday bash we had originally planned with Grandma Jennie. It was also Maia’s first long car ride and with the exception of the last hour, the drive was pretty smooth. Just outside Madera Maia had decided she was done and began to cry so we rolled up to Grandma Jennie’s house around 4 p.m. a little haggard. I think the drive took us about 5 hours with several stops. Shortly after we arrived Great Grandma Bev showed up with gifts for the girls which were, of course, met with great enthusiasm. Not long after that Grandma Jennie arrived and we ordered some pizza and had a nice low-key dinner.

The following day on Saturday, March 29, we went to Storyland which is this place in Fresno with life-sized representations of popular fairy tales. When you enter you’re greeted by the caterpillar from Alice In Wonderland and you proceed on down a path that takes you to The Three Little Pigs, Humpty Dumpty, Little Red Riding Hood and many others. Sarah actually used to go there when she was a kid and the place was supposedly recently renovated. However we found the entire place wasn’t quite up to spec. Owl’s house was rather rickety and once Sarah got Keana up, she didn’t feel safe because of wobbly railings and what not. Owls glass window pane was also askew and had chicken wire covering the hole that was left. There were also some rusty slides and my favorite was Mama Bear whose nose was smashed off and she her hand was missing. All that was left was a solitary strand of rebarb. Hilarious. I should add though, that many of the structures and story sets were fine and Keana loved all of it. There was a huge pirate ship that was pretty elaborate and in good shape that was fun to go on. The one regret we have is that we got there a little late in the morning, right before lunch, so the girls were tired and hungry. They were awesome though and we still had a great time.

We were going to head back on Sunday but we so worn out that we stayed another day and enjoyed a nice barbecue and yummy birthday cake at Grandma’s house. And as all good things end, so did this trip, and we packed it up Monday morning (5/31) and headed home. The first 45 minutes were rough, but after a pit-stop just outside Los Banos both Keana and Maia fell asleep so it was smooth sailing. Sarah also dozed on and off and I felt lucky to be the lone soldier at the wheel, whisking my ladies safely home (though the piercing pain from my bladder made me feel a little less soldierish). Anyway, we made the entire trip in about three hours which is record time with one kid, not to mention two!

The next big adventure happened on April 12 when we trekked down to Santa Cruz to visit Uncle Peter who was running a half-marathon with his running group “The Lost Boys”. Of course we got out of the house a little late and arrived in Santa Cruz around 10:30 a.m., starving, with Keana beginning to melt down and Maia crying angrily, signaling her full, melt down status. So we pulled up to one of our old favorite eatery, Harbor Cafe, for some refueling of biscuits, gravy, sausage, and eggs. By this point we were pretty frustrated and annoyed at a rough start to our supposed-to-be-fun weekend, but everything was better after breakfast. What can’t biscuits and gravy heal, really?

The Lost Boys—Peter, Oscar, Tim, Gilbert—and Dave, Peter’s old housemate, were actually just finishing breakfast as we arrived at Peter’s house, so the timing was perfect. Grandma Linda and Grandpa Sam were also in town from Fredericksburg, TX, but had to go to a wedding so we planned to see them later.

By the time we got caught up with Peter and everyone else, it was nap time, so Sarah, Keana, and Maia laid down while Peter and I went to the grocery store for barbecue supplies. After nap the four of us went to the beach while Peter got his nap. Sarah thought it would be fun to go to this “secret” beach she used to go to in college. It’s off of the busy beach drive Westcliff, but it’s secret because there aren’t any markers for it and to get there you just take a steep, skinny trail that winds randomly down from the main sidewalk. So we parked, got everything packed up and I carried Keana down while Sarah took Maia. It was a little precarious and when we got to the bottom I guess it looked like we needed help because a local came running over from his family and offered to take Keana for me. I accepted then helped Sarah and Maia down. Immediately it was clear this beach wasn’t much of a secret. It was a small beach, maybe 25 yards long, but there were kids playing wiffle ball, a guy fishing, a guy going out to kayak, four college kids hanging out, and at least four dogs running around—practically every beach activity known to man. We stayed for about 20 minutes and decided it was way too busy and moved on. Going up was easier than getting down, so we re-seated the kids and drove a little further on to Natural Bridges. The weather was hot and the beach was crowded, but there was much more space for our Quadripod. We had so much fun splashing in the ocean and chasing the waves. Keana is pretty fearless of the cold water, and though she didn’t get in above her knees, she stayed in the whole time we were there.

We had to tear ourselves away from the gorgeous beach but were excited to go back to Uncle Peter’s for dinner. Actually, the barbecue took place at his neighbor’s house, one of which is part of the running crew, and with the return of Grandma Linda and Grandpa Sam from the wedding, The Texans, The Quadripod, and The Lost Boys (with adjunct members) had a great evening with lots of laughs and great food. Maia slept on and off in the sling and Keana’s never had so many people at her beck and call to chase her through the house and around the yard. In fact, we were having so much fun that Keana missed her normal bedtime and we all ended up going to bed around 10:30 p.m. Peter and Oscar were kind enough to give up their entire two bedroom apartment for us, so Keana and I slept in a bed and Maia and Sarah slept in the other. We woke early, had breakfast, and then had second breakfasts when everyone in the other house woke up. Then we headed back to the beach to get our last fill of ocean time before heading back to the east bay. The drive home was rough with the kids so tired, and we had to stop in Fremont for dinner, but other than that, it was a beautiful weekend.

development

Siblings and their parents

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The cutest thing to watch is Maia smile or laugh at something Keana’s doing. Sometimes it’s dancing, or jumping around, or sometimes it’s a funny noise. It really makes you realize how important it is that they have each other. Keana loves kissing and nuzzling Maia and loves having Maia grab her finger or other things she hands to her. Of course the fun quickly fades when Maia grabs a toy of Keana’s that’s too close and Keana gets upset and rips the toy out of Maia’s hand. This is where the parenting challenges come into play. We don’t want Keana to feel like we’re always riding her about how she interacts with Maia, but at the same time, we want her to respect Maia’s space and not hurt her. Of course we’re trying to avoid any sort of rivalry too, so there’s really a lot to think about in a single response to situations like these.

At this phase in life, Keana is relentless with testing boundaries so Sarah and I are trying to be consistent with how we each handle things, which is especially challenging since I’m mostly out of the picture during the week. Sarah and I carve out time at night to check in on life in general but also to re-unify our front. I think in general Sarah does an amazing job, day in and day out, so I definitely look to her for advice.

development

The liberation of Zooba and the war cries of Deedles

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Mark the day, April 21, 2008, Zooba was liberated. By Zooba I mean Keana, and by liberated I mean the railing of her crib was removed—again. We tried taking the rail off months ago, but it was really too soon. Keana actually requested we put the railing back on the first time we tried it, so we did- waiting for just the right day, just the right time for total liberation. With the advent of full potty trainage in March, the time seemed right. So Monday night (4/21/08) Keana and I got out the toolbox, got out our screwdrivers, and tore down the proverbial wall of oppression. I almost heard faint echos of David Hasselhoff floating through time and space from 1989 Berlin.

It’s been almost a week and everything is going great with the new-found freedom and responsibility. Keana even gets up and pees on her own in the middle of the night, though she still calls me down in the wee ours of the morning for a social visit disguised as some bathroom-related need, but we’re working through that.

Then there are the piercing screams that now fill our home and our ear canals. Sometimes long but usually short, they are startlingly loud and high pitched, especially when you realize they’re coming from Maia (a.k.a. Deedles). Maia is definitely figuring out her voice and communicating. It’s gone in several phases, first, in early April she would make these gasping sounds that really worried us at first. We still aren’t 100% sure if they were allergy related or what, but my thought is that it was just a new noise she discovered she could make. Second came the lip buzzing coupled with spit-bubble blowing. If you responded in like fashion she’d flash a huge grin. Now what’s happening are the war cries. Very loud and very funny. Deedles is definitely not going to let Keana run the whole verbal show. It is so amazing seeing these beginnings of verbal communication develop. In conjunction with this, we’ve also seen Maia really start to reach for things she wants, and of course put them in her mouth for further exploration. The girl loves to stand as well, and even though we still support her as she learns to stand, we can feel her lunge and actually take steps toward a desired object. She also loves to jump up and down and then look at you with this excited look-what-I-can-do grin. Maia is definitely on track to be another amazingly mobile and communicative member of Team Hokama.

development

Continued from 3/19/08 (the joys of vaccinations)

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Sorry to leave y’all hanging on that last one. Bottom line, Maia is fine. We went to the pediatrician and as predicted, she had no idea what the red spots were or what was causing the fever. Of course she said it wasn’t related to the vaccines—it was just a coincidence that it showed up around the same time. Anyway, she was concerned enough to order a full blood work-up STAT. This meant we had to drive to Oakland’s Children’s Hospital to get a speedy turnaround on the results. At this point it’s almost noon and we’re all hungry, Maia still has a fever, and we don’t know what to think.

We decided we couldn’t deal with the hospital on empty stomachs so we picked up some sandwiches on the way to Oakland. We were completely stressed out. As a parent you know you have to be calm and at least pretend you know everything will be all right, but I must say, I wasn’t doing a very good job at that. Keana was of course pushing the limits on everything, knowing something was going on and that we weren’t on top of our game, and Maia continued to cry and cry. It was total chaos for a while there.

We finished wolfing our sandwiches down just as we pulled into our parking spot in the garage across the street from the hospital. I grabbed Maia in her car seat, Keana followed Sarah, and we crossed the street and entered the waiting room. We then put our names on the list and proceeded to wait. Immediately I noticed all the kids in the waiting room coughing and sneezing and with red bumps all over their arms and my skin began to crawl. “Just perfect,” I thought, “this is exactly where our kids need to be right now. SHIT!!!” Again, not the calmest parent there.

Surprisingly we got in to the lab only after waiting an hour but only one parent could go in. We decided Sarah was the best choice do Keana stayed in the waiting room. I could hear Maia screaming through the door and could only imagine what was going on. After about 10 minutes Sarah and Maia emerged and Sarah began to cry. She said the lab tech couldn’t find a vein so she just stuck the needle in and moved it around until blood started coming out. Then she had to take five files of blood for all the tests. Traumatic. Luckily (hopefully) Maia won’t remember any of this.

By the time we got home our doctor had the results and there was no bacterial infection and therefore nothing to worry about. All we could do is wait it out and use tylenol for the fever. A whole afternoon of trauma just to be told to keep doing what we were doing. Of course it’s better to be safe, err on the side of caution, but man, what a day.

development

The joys of vaccinations (and other things)

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I’m sitting in the BART station waiting for the next train to El Cerrito. We have a pediatrician appointment for Maia because we’re worried she may be having a reaction to the vaccines she got last Friday (3/14/08). We don’t think it’s anything severe but we don’t know for sure. I have a feeling the doctor won’t tell us anything conclusive either, which is annoying. Western medicine touts its knowledge and superiority but it’s always a game of chance. We’re told we should do the vaccines to prevent something terrible, but there’s only a slight chance our kids would even be exposed to most of these illnesses in the first place. Then there’s a slight chance that our kids may have a terrible reaction TO the vaccines. Of course the argument is that the benefits outweigh the risks but this is coming from an establishment with intimate ties to pharmaceutical and insurance companies. And behind these companies are, of course, people making a profit from all this. Let’s say that the majority of healthcare professionals DO have the best interests of their patients in mind. It seems that by the very nature of their profession it would be impossible for them to fully practice care to this end, because it would mean not complying with mandated protocols influenced I’m sure, by more influential, more powerful people who are in the healthcare business for money.

I know there are benefits to modern medicine and I appreciate this privilege. But as a parent, you can’t take everything wholesale, even from your healthcare providers who are supposed to be caring for you and your family. It seems to me the business of healthcare is so deep, that there’s no way we can fully trust any agent of the system, even your family doctor, because in the end, it all leads back to money and there can be no true care where this much money is involved.

I hope we’ve made the right decisions for our children and lord knows we’re paying a premium for this whole confused mess.

To be continued…

development

Bye bye poop

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WARNING: This blog entry may not be appropriate for those who do not have a close relationship to their body or its processes.

Potty training. What an interesting experience. I don’t really like the word “training” when our kids are involved—it’s so…animal. So let’s say Keana’s been progressing towards not using a diaper for the last couple months. If you look back in the blog you’ll see we bought the little toilet a long time ago and had immediate success which then quickly faded. Being the good parents we are, we didn’t push the issue because the last thing we need is a shit crisis that scars Keana for life. So for the last six weeks Keana’s really been using the toilet exclusively during the day. We still use a diaper at night and there was an interesting development last night. At 4 a.m. Keana woke up screaming, so I ran downstairs to see what was going on. When I got there I said, “What’s wrong baby?” Keana replied, “I have to pee!” and I said, “Well, you have your diaper on.” and she said, “But if I pee in there it will be full.” She had a good point and all of sudden I realized I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to be waking up in the middle of the night for this.

Then of course there’s perspective. One time Keana looked at her product and said, “Hey! It looks like ice cream!” and at the end, after a few additions, she exclaimed, ” And that’s a caterpillar crawling over the ice cream!” I took a look and had to laugh. It was very clear, a lovely mocha caterpillar crawling over some dark chocolate.

Another interesting development has been pooping at bedtime, just in time (of course) to delay actually going to bed. At first we thought it may just be a realization of power on Keana’s part to stay up later, but what are you gonna do? The girl has to poop. Very intricate the learning and teaching of the elimination process.

Potty training isn’t all stress and frustration either. There is also a hilarious side of potty training. Let me just say that I’m not sure we will ever fully understand a child’s relationship to their excrement. Towards the end of using diapers Keana was very interested in what was in the diaper. I would show her and explain why we put it in the toilet, where it goes when we flush, etc. One morning as I did this, she exclaimed, “Good bye poopy! Have a great day with your friends! Don’t forget to eat breakfast with them!”

Clearly this is a very deep, complex, multi-faceted issue and Keana seems to be handling it with aplomb (and humor).