Category Archives: development

development, education

School Begins—Just Breathe

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There’s nothing like the beginning of school to push some of your parenting buttons and pull many of your heartstrings. We started school here in Fresno yesterday with mixed results.

Yesterday, the first day, was actually pretty magical. Keana started third grade without a hitch—which we kind of expected—and Maia had a great first day in kindergarten. She had no problem separating from Sarah and we waved goodbye and blew kisses as she marched off. As she entered her classroom, I think both Sarah and I exhaled with relief. And when she came home, she was beaming: she loved her teacher, made new friends, and at one point in the evening exclaimed, “I can’t wait to go back tomorrow!” She also started a new ballet class last night and loved that too.

Continue reading School Begins—Just Breathe →

development, education

School Approacheth (and Other Things)

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school_approachethThere’s nothing like sitting down to capture life in writing and being completely overwhelmed by what’s transpired in the 46 days since I last did this little song and dance. I struggle with deciding if I should write something heartfelt about mind-blowing transformations and lessons learned, or simply stick to the facts and events since those often tell a story within their own story.

One thing that struck me the other day too, was that now that Keana’s eight and heading into third grade, her story isn’t exactly mine to tell anymore. She already writes many of her own transcripts of events—like what we did on vacation—but I also worry about putting things about her life here that will embarrass her later or be used against her somehow in the cruel throws of growing up in a “Googleable” world. Or maybe she’ll just be annoyed if I beat her to the punch line with life events. What’s more annoying than your parents answering for you when your voice is plenty strong, right? So there’s that.

And then there’s many of my friends having first babies—which really has nothing to do with me—but on the one hand I’m thrilled that they are beginning to enter a realm where they get to hold something greater than themselves in their arms, and spend countless hours admiring and being astonished by someone that hardly does anything at first. I think about all the “firsts” they have yet to experience and a pretty ridiculous grin fills my face.

Then, as I deal with the madness of trying to get all three of my own kids to actually sit down and eat until they’re full, followed by the circus-frenzy that is bedtime, I can’t help but wish I could somehow have the answers myself and pass them on to save them from this insanity we call child rearing. Sorry friends. You’re in for wonder and amazement…and plenty of nights of the type of wonder along the lines of, “What the eff were we thinking?!”

Now they’re peacefully sleeping though, plenty tired from a busy weekend and a sleepover at Grandma’s. After eight years I’m still taken aback by how they can be so gorgeous and sweet awake and asleep. The frenzy and frustrations from the day are all but echoes and there’s so much to look forward to tomorrow. Maia and Keana will find out who their teachers will be this year. Maia’s not happy about her finger that got stepped on yesterday, but she’s a little excited about a special trip to the doctor just for her (yes, it could be broken). Back to school is Wednesday night and we still have one week until school starts, but the first-day-of-school excitement and jitters are beginning to build. It’s life and it’s happening. And the whole thing starts over in a few hours so I guess our latest trip and that more detailed update on what’s been happening will just have to wait for another night.

birthdays, development, videos

A Story to Own

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All StyleI don’t want Aliya’s birthday to always be about her dramatic entrance into the world followed by a recount of the emergency plane ride to UCSF’s NICU and her week-long stay there. I don’t want her birthday to become some sort of quasi-joyous occasion with the shadow of how she got here always looming with looks of concern or pity around the room. Yet, as much as I don’t want that, it is part of her story and it’s part of what makes her life with us, now, so amazing. And maybe because it’s a story with a happy ending, it’s a pretty damn exciting birthday story to have.

How she got here aside, every day she grows and develops into a less and less tiny bundle of the best of both of us. Just like her sisters before her, she amazes us with her brilliance, wit, agility, creativity, ferocity, sweetness, and just plain kick-assery. I mean, if “kick-ass” can’t be used to define three, what can? What else is there to say? Happy Birthday Aliya. You’re three and you earned it.

development, photos

Babe-in Forever

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There are no words to describe our love for Aliya, or “Babe-in” as we affectionately call her—a name Maia came up with for her based on their Cousin Olivia calling her dad, “dad-in”. If we call her anything else besides Babe-in or Aliya, she ferociously corrects you, saying, “I’M NOT [insert other name], I’M BABE-IN!” She also refers to herself as “Aweeya” which is, of course, heart-melting. In fact, there are many, many things that she does on a daily basis that remind us how lucky we are to have her on Team Hokama.

She makes us laugh. I mean, she is genuinely funny. She has great timing, but also has some depth to her humor. She makes hilarious faces and knows exactly when to pull them out—sometimes in defiance, sometimes to lighten the mood. She also uses her whole body and voice as well, mimicking someone else’s voice, but higher or lower, or distorting or muffling it as if she had a mouth full of grapes while trying to talk. One of her favorites is burping (or pretending to), and with a very demure face and high pitched voice say, “Escuse me.” She’ll do the same thing in her deepest voice the next time, just to switch it up. Where does she get this stuff?

Despite her amazing sense of humor though, she is fierce. It may be just because she’s the third sister, but it may just also be her temperament. She will shout and throw elbows if you interfere with her process or crowd her. She and Maia play really well together 90% of the time, and other 10%…watch out. They’ll be spitting and yelling at each other at the drop of a hat. There’s not too much hitting going on, but I’ve seen Maia drop her fist on Aliya’s head like a hammer and Aliya was more heartbroken than hurt. She’ll also be reduced to a crumpled, crying heap at the slightest sternness in your voice. See, that’s the thing, she’s fierce but has thin skin. Maia’s like that too, but because Aliya is more open and generally happy-go-lucky, her ferocity and sensitivity is more striking. We have yet to see a more burning “mad-dog” in the under 3 age category.

Today I took all of them to drop off Keana at school, and while Maia was sort of hiding behind my arm, almost reluctantly walking even though it was her idea to go, Aliya was skipping and trotting along in her “fwip-fwops”, waving, smiling, and saying, “Hi! I’m Aweeya!” to whoever would make eye contact. A lot like Keana was at almost three.

As her comprehension and communication skills develop—not to mention how tall and physically capable she’s becoming—it’s easy to see that she won’t be our Babe-in for long. When will the “wollipops” and “ban-bades” transition to “lollipops” and “band-aids?” Or when will she just be jumping out of the car instead of gingerly placing her hands and feet in just the right places? Right now, tonight—and maybe it’s me just being hopeful—I hope she’ll always just be “The Babe-in.”

 

development

Cozy

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cozyUntil last weekend, our sleeping arrangements had been off for over a while. Two weeks ago Keana got a virus and a nasty bacterial infection in her lungs—yeah, ended up with walking pneumonia. She missed nine days of school and sadly, also missed Authors Night—where the kids read the books they’ve written and illustrated in an after-school event. Anyway, Aliya was already in her own room and we let Maia sleep with us to reduce the risk of infection. Thanks to her first-ever dose of antibiotics, Keana’s infection went away and our plan worked: Maia and Aliya didn’t get sick! Truly a miracle. It was time to get back to the regular sleeping arrangements, but we took the opportunity to explore a new arrangement: bunk beds.

These bunk beds are not new. Oh no, they are quite old in fact and I think I’ve built them and taken them apart at least two other times. We bought them a couple years ago thinking they would be great, then realized Keana and Maia wer too young. Then when Aliya came along we tried again. Nope, still not time. Too many worries about falling kids, messing around on the top bunk, etc. So, they’ve been stored in the garage, just waiting for the appointed hour. And I think it’s come.

It seemed like Maia wanted her own space but not her own room, and Keana was finally ready for the top bunk, so we brought them in on Saturday and put them together. Of course, when Aliya caught sight of them, she did not want to stay in her boring old room. With the extra space in Keana and Maia’s room, there was a place for her little bed, so we made a deal that they could all sleep in the same room as long as everybody actually slept. Yeah, right. But actually, it’s going well so far. They’re so sweet with each other and they really enjoy all being in the same room. Mostly. Maia had a moment when she wanted to kick Aliya out, but now by the fifth night, I think they’re settling in.

There’s something really special about having them all in the same room, sharing the “lights out ritual”, and waking up together. They love it. And I can’t quite explain it, but Sarah and I love it too. Maybe it’s because we’re pack animals and having them all together and closer to our room just feels right. And Aliya always wants to be doing whatever her big sisters are doing and thankfully, they almost always want her along, sharing their experience. PLUS, if all goes well, we’ll have a free bedroom for my office and guests. Yes! (insert fist pump).

development, education, family, photos, videos

Sharing Through Performance

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Maia the Munchkin FlowerAs the end of the school year approaches, so do the performances. At this point we’re not performance heavy, but there’s still enough to keep us busy on these last few weekends before summer.

On April 25 Keana had her “Notables” “thing” which was a chance for all the second-graders to dress up like a famous person in history they had been learning about, and share a short spoken piece about their person. Being drawn to strong women, Keana chose Sacagawea and was especially excited about the dressing up part. We borrowed some authentic Native American pieces from Grandma Jennie and even wrapped up a little baby to further authenticate the performance. Learning about Sacagawea was also a great experience for Keana to process a different culture and a different place in history and amidst the sharing of facts that she learned along the way, she often had lots of questions about why certain things happened and why they’re different (or the same) now.

This last weekend, May 11, Maia performed in the California Arts Academy production of The Wizard of Oz. Keana and Maia are both in ballet, but the performance-specific class was only open for Maia’s category by the time we enrolled in January. Grandma Linda and Grandpa Sam drove over from Sacramento and from Fresno, Tia, Grandma Jennie, and Grandma Bev were all in attendance.

For her little performance as a flower in Munchkin Land, there sure were a lot of extra rehearsals. Maia absolutely loved every minute of it—especially the extra rehearsals at different locations—but I’m looking forward to her having a bigger part in the future. I know she’s only five, but she is really drawn to performing and seems to have a lot of natural talent. Most importantly, she loves it. It also doesn’t hurt that the teachers she’s had so far have been very impressed by her and encouraged her (and Keana too) to really pursue dancing. So we’ll see. Gotta keep my competitive nature in check, but still try and make these opportunities available for the girls…and maybe give them a little push to get out there.

Unfortunately we couldn’t tape Maia’s performance, but you’ll just have to imagine how adorable she was and what a joy she was to watch. Sarah and I both got a little teary-eyed for sure. I don’t think it matters what your kid is doing on that stage. For that brief moment it’s as if there’s a single spotlight and mic just for them. I think it’s an important skill to have—being able to perform in front of an audience—and I think it’s a great way for kids to share something they create with other kids and adults. Definitely looking forward to more of this.

Next up: “Authors Night” at Keana’s school where all the students share a book they’ve written and illustrated in a sort of book fair, open to the school community. Always one of Keana’s favorite school events.

birthdays, development, videos

A New Season

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Freshly 8, Keana Swings on The Swing We MadeFor those of you that know me, you know I love baseball and I love my Giants. I also happen to be one of those people that believes baseball is a metaphor for just about everything in life. Don’t worry, this won’t be a baseball analogy post, but the Giants just started their new season, and as they were starting spring training, lots of things were in transition with Team Hokama too.

First and foremost, Keana turned 8. Somewhere between getting ready for her party, my good friend Larry’s wedding, and a landslide of work, I have yet to document this momentous occasion. So here it is, the official entry in our record books. We did our usual trip to sushi and over spring break hosted a party for her friends. The only problem was that no one showed. I know, very disappointing. We took a risk having it over break and we’ll never do that again. We know every one of her friends really wanted to come, but it wasn’t totally up to them. It was one of those tough “life moments” as a parent, having to watch your child experience that kind of disappointment, and not being able to fix it. Luckily Tia and Cousin Olivia came, so that made it more special. We were at the park, so we ran around a bunch and played chase on the play structure, and of course had plenty of chocolate cake.

Keana is growing up in every way imaginable. She’s able to communicate any thought or feeling with just about any type of person. The more she learns and understands the world around her, the taller and brighter she seems. It’s like that shift you see as a parent when your kid leaps (seemingly overnight) from being a toddler to a “real kid”—there’s been an almost a perceptible change in the eyes, as if you can actually see them seeing the world differently. She’s tall, freckled, elegant, hilarious, determined, brilliant, beautiful, and completely comfortable in her own skin. And she still doesn’t mind us calling her Zooba, which I love. Tonight she helped me barbecue chicken, putting it on the grill and painting the sauce on, and I told her I had images of her being the only one of her friends in college that could properly grill. Watching her blaze the trail before her sisters is awe-inspiring and somehow heartbreaking at the same time.

And guess who’s going to follow in big sissy’s footsteps in just 4 short months? That’s right, Big Maíj has been accepted to kindergarten at Keana’s school. It’s not really a surprise, but we’re trying to make this leap as special and unique as we can for Maia. Of course she’s a little apprehensive and scared now, but it’s fun to see how ready she is and that hidden excitement behind the fear. The sleep chart with stickers is still working like a charm and she seems to be the one responding the best to our not-so-new gluten/dairy-free diet. I’m not sure I’ve seen any behavioral changes necessarily, but certainly there have been some improvements in the digestive realm. She, too, is seeing and understanding more of the world and for Maia, I think a big part of what that means is more risk-taking. In physical ways she’s been more adventurous than Keana, but socially that hasn’t necessarily been the case. I recently made some trapeze bars and swings for the trees in our front yard and she was the first one to figure out how to hang from them upside down and run and jump onto them, sending herself spinning in a mini-whirlwind. Maia’s athletic prowess is really fun and exciting to watch and I’m excited to watch her grow and thrive in “regular” school soon.

Last but never least, Aliya. Aliya Aliya Aliya. What a spirit. The leap in her ability to communicate this past month has been phenomenal. She can tell you just about anything she has on her mind and has been asking tons of questions about everything she sees and hears. She’s recently stopped fighting putting on a diaper at night—she’s totally potty trained during the day—but on 3/10 she fought the nightly diaper fiercely, and when Sarah was getting Maia ready for bed and pulled out Maia’s underwear, she said, “Hey! Those are my underwear!” So Sarah asked if she wanted to try sleeping without a diaper and she said yes. Then before Sarah turned out the light she reminded Aliya that she didn’t have a diaper on and she said, “I’m not going to pee in my crib.” So that was pretty definitive and we thought it might just be time. The next morning I asked Aliya how the night went without diaper and she said, “I peed in my underwear. I peed in my crib.” Very matter-of-fact…and she’s still wearing the diaper at night. However, she has recently been asking to sleep in a “normal” bed, so I see some big changes on the way for her. I have to admit I’m not quite ready to make another night-time-sleeping transition, but who am I to stand in the way of progress?

One thing I absolutely love about Aliya is her confidence. I don’t know how many times a day I tell her to be careful and every time she replies, “I am careful, Papa.” It’s this same confidence that has certainly landed her the award for “baby that’s fallen the most,” but she doesn’t let it stop her, and I love that—even if it scares me. Last night, as I waited to drift off to sleep, a memory from the day’s events played through my mind like a movie: we were in the front yard, with Maia, having (barefoot) foot races up and down the driveway, and without any reason or prompting, Aliya takes off full speed. As she’s careening around the corner—and as I’m wincing with worry that she’s going to bail on the concrete—I shout, “Careful Babe-in!” She whips out of sight but I hear her adorable voice trailing off, “I know Papa. I am careful!”

She didn’t fall. In fact, as she came running back, careening around that same corner towards me, she had a huge smile of shear joy plastered on her face as if to say, “See Papa. I’m fine. Let’s do it again.”

development

No More Rain Delays

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On the beach across Hwy 1 from Costanoa.When you’re married with small kids it’s easy to forget about each other. Maybe “forget” isn’t quite the right word—it’s more like postpone. It’s not usually intentional…like an outdoor concert that gets rained out. The kids are so adorable or needy or upset, or there’s a school thing or this appointment then practice then work. Before you know it, the whole day has gone by and you’ve barely made eye contact or given a hug to the person you started this whole thing with. The years pass and you have more kids and more life happens, those days turn into weeks and months and that concert that got rained out never gets rescheduled.

For us it had been almost eight years. Before you start freaking out, don’t worry, it hadn’t been eight years since I hugged my wife Sarah. We’ve had two other kids since our first, so do the math. And the last several years in particular, we’ve made an effort to squeeze in date nights when we could or get away during the day for a few hours while the kids were at grandma’s, but we haven’t been away from the kids for a night—and certainly not two or more—for a very long time. We kept saying we should or wouldn’t that be awesome if, and that started to turn into maybe for our tenth anniversary.  It had nothing to do with not loving each other or wanting, but we just didn’t take the time to make the effort that was necessary.

So the beginning of February we made a pact to make it happen, no rain delays. We picked a date, cleared it with grandma a month in advance, and booked the place. I secretly prayed that the kids wouldn’t get sick or that grandma wouldn’t have something come up, and low and behold, Friday, March 1, 2:00 p.m., we were on the road. Just the two of us, headed for Costanoa.

For about the first hour of the car ride we were nervous and worried about how the kids would do. But that gradually faded as reality set in and then…we were free. We talked and laughed, played the music loud and stopped when we had to pee. We reveled in the lack of needs beyond our own and arrived along the coast just after sunset.

The weekend was perfect. We loved our tent bungalow that looked out onto a beautiful coastal valley. The nights were cold but we enjoyed the hot tub and friendly conversation with other guests, bragging about how this was our first weekend away since having three kids (and trying not to be offended when people looked surprised).

We lounged. The thing you miss the most once you have kids is sleeping in and having a peaceful meal, and we got both in abundance. A hike up to a lookout then down to a private beach was the perfect way to spend the first full day, followed by more lounging in our cozy bungalow. At sunset we grabbed some coffee and headed up the coast, admiring the light house along the way, parking at a beach to watch the fog roll in over the massive waves breaking on the rocks beyond the shore. When night fell we headed up the road to Pescadero for dinner at Duarte’s and visited with old friends who just happend to be there. Pescadero’s like that, an almost timeless bubble where you’re as likely to run into Neil Young as you are a friend from 8 years ago.

As the hour got later and we soaked in the hot tub for the second night, Sarah and I talked about how we were both fighting off thoughts beyond the moment, to the next day when we would pack it up and return to our “real life.” We were both happy and content with just a hint of anxiety. We missed our beautiful, shining girls and it was good.

Our return trek on Sunday was delayed slightly by a quick meeting with another friend at Whale City in Davenport, but once we got rolling, the ride was quiet. I thought about how relaxing our trip was, all the beautiful scenery and nature we enjoyed, and most of all how much I still loved this lady next to me in the car. After 8 years with kids and more than 10 years together, we still knew how to have fun and enjoy the things that brought us together.

There will always be the joys and frustrations of having three kids. Random hugs and kind words throughout the day are great and date nights are crucial. But having that weekend away with Sarah taught me how important it was for us to get away from the day-to-day for an extended amount of time and just enjoy each other. Sarah always reminds me it’s what got us here, and I’m convinced it’s what’s going to not only keep it all together, but make our life as full as it can be.

development, education

Emerging with the Sun

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The Ladies of Team Hokama at the Japanese GardensThe warm sunshine has felt so good lately. And what’s felt even better is an almost healthy family! I say almost, because I’ve just now gotten over phlegmy-phlegm-phlegm and Sarah is just now getting better from a cold as well. BUT, thankfully, the kids have gotten over the rotating wheel of badness, which has allowed us to enjoy and focus on some other things…

…for instance, Valentines was a lot of fun. Keana hand made cards for everyone in her class. We cheated a little by making one drawing for the boys and just coloring each one, but every girl got a custom picture of themselves with Keana. She had herself dancing, flying, and “going crazy” and no two were alike. I have to say, she did get a little stressed out when she realized the breadth of the project she had taken on. She tends to do that—get stressed out over long-term projects. It’s very difficult convincing her she has enough time and that “it will all be okay.” Right now she’s working on her first report for second grade. They’re studying goods/products and she chose almonds. I think it’s because Sarah’s been in the process of converting them to non-dairy milk (just to see if there are benefits for them, not particularly due to any terrible allergy). Keana really likes the vanilla almond milk, so there you go. Keana’s been literally harassing us about helping her research and type. All the research and writing is basically done and it’s not due until Friday, so for now, it looks like this girl is not our procrastinator.

Maia has been having a lot of success sleeping on her own, through the night, with the help of a tracking chart (with fun stickers). It’s something we’ve tried before, but this time it’s really working. We started out three nights in a row then a small prize, then upped it to four, then five, etc. It’s worked so well, we’ve started using a chart for Keana too, but she’s working on cleaning up after herself, particularly with clothes. I too have chart, and I’m working on not getting angry or being mean, and communicating better by acknowledging when I’m spoken to. The anger thing I’ve been working on for a while but I’ve still had my moments of frustration where I raise my voice. And with three kids talking at once, I have found it easier to just listen and not talk, but when I get busy I tend to not even acknowledge important things even if I do hear them. I’m not very good of thinking of reasonable prizes for myself though (like, an iPad isn’t really a fair prize for 5 stickers), but the chart is really helping me too. I attribute it to my competitive nature. Doesn’t matter what it is, I want to win dammit, fill up those squares!

Aliya’s much less cranky now that she feels better and it’s so much fun watching her learn new things and hearing the complexity in her thoughts and speech increase daily. Yesterday she pointed and called out “O!” in the word “stop.” She’s also been figuring out “how many”, mostly just up to two. Her sense of humor is coming along nicely too and I’m pretty sure she’s going to be cracking us up regularly as she gets older. She already appropriates jokes she hears from her older sisters. That being said, she can switch to serious in heartbeat. If you call her “silly” or some other thing, she’s quick to put on her stern face and say, “I’m not silly, I’m ALIYA!” We still call her “Babe-in” too, so sometimes she refers to herself as that. She mostly doesn’t nap anymore but by the time 4 or 5 rolls around, she’s very tired and does tend to get more needy. But at night, she goes straight to sleep and mostly sleeps until 6 or 7. Her sisters are really good about playing with her and she and Maia, especially, can play around the house together for hours, running from one end to the other, caring for babies, catering an event, or just following some other imaginative adventure. This last week she started calling Maia, “Maia Mama” and looks to her for help and comfort at times. It reminds me of when Maia started calling Keana, “Little Mama” around the same age.

This weekend was the first warm one in a while—where everyone was healthy—so we went to this huge park nearby called Woodward Park and had a picnic, ran around, explored, played chase, danced silly, and climbed trees. We also visited the Japanese Gardens and had fun crossing the bridges and checking out the koi. It was a great reminder of how important it is to get out as a family and be in the sun and just do kid-like things. When there’s sickness and it’s cold and hazy out, and there’s all that stress that goes along with that, it’s hard to remember that it will eventually pass, the sun does come out and warm things up, and better times are always just around the corner.

development

The Rotating Wheel of Badness

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Aliya Lovin' Her Kitty CatIn my last post (a little less than a week ago) Keana was just coming down with a fever and it turned out to be a bad one. She missed the entire week of school with fever, cough, runny nose, and bloodshot eyes. Then, on Thursday, Maia came down with it, adding some good ol’ vomiting in the wee hours of the morning. Luckily it wasn’t chronic throw-up, but still, when things come back up the wrong way, it really puts many aspects of your character to test. And still today, Maia slept half the day, not able to eat anything until now (1:30 p.m.). She seems to be feeling much better now, so I’m hopeful the end is in sight. Somehow Aliya, Sarah, and I have stayed healthy this week and I hope it stays that way.

The thing about sick kids—especially when it just keeps rotating and rotating around over weeks and weeks—is that it just plain wears you out. After night after night of very little sleep and cleaning up nasty thing after nasty thing, I find myself DONE. Yesterday especially, there was really no other word for it. I just wanted it all to go away. I growled, I threatened to eat the children, I squirmed in my skin looking for any way around having to take care of one more thing related to sick kids. And this is where I pay tribute to Sarah for being an amazing mom and partner who, after dealing with exactly the same stuff yesterday, stepped up and even cleaned the litter boxes for her struggling husband at the end of the day.

After a week like the last one, it’s important for me to remember a few things:

  • Whatever it is, it will pass. Some day, the kids will all be healthy again and the faucets of snot will dry up, I’ll get back to sleeping at least 4 hours at night, and I won’t have to jump at every cough or groan, running frantically with a plastic bucket to catch the impending doom.
  • However I feel, Sarah is probably feeling it too. We’re both tired. We’re both doing our best and we’re both grossed out. I’ve tried to make it a point to thank her at least once a day for everything she’s done, and remembering it’s okay to ask for what I need too. She can say no, which is fine, but it’s okay for me to ask for help.
  • Related to that last one, it’s okay for me to say no. Of course I have to do whatever’s necessary for the kids, but there are a lot of things that are optional. Especially this winter, sickness has really been a marathon and trying to be super-parent 24/7 is not possible. It makes me grumpy and mean and it’s just no good for anyone.
  • There’s nothing like week after week of at least one person being sick to make you appreciate good health and push you to take care of yourself!

(Couldn’t find a pic that fit this post so thought I’d brighten it up with some Aliya cuteness.)