Category Archives: education

development, education, family, holidays

When Papa got a minute

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We got the kids to bed kind of early tonight so here I go…

Last week Aliya was still just figuring out grabbing things well with her hands and now, seven days later, she’s so much smoother. Yeah, she still drops things and doesn’t always rotate them smoothly, but she is so much more dexterous and accurate with her grip, it’s scary. These damn babies develop so fast and we are beyond thankful. Aliya still laughs hysterically at her sisters, so much so it almost sounds like something between a smoky bar laugh and baby’s cry. First time she did it I wasn’t sure she was actually happy until I saw her big smile at the silly things her sisters were doing. She’s also figured out how to thump her leg in her bouncer to back it bounce and once it stops, she thumps again to get it going. Brilliant.

Maia is still struggling with sleeping through the night. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t, but she always wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. People are always saying not to look forward too much to the teen years, but I have to say right now, I’m ready to get back to sleeping in until noon. I think Maia is still really struggling with not being the baby anymore and she wants to grow up and be independent like Sissy (Keana), but she’s just not quite there yet. It’s a big step and although we’re quite frustrated with her, I have a soft spot for what she’s going through. I remember feeling exactly like her at several stages when I was coming up.

Keana continues to be our extraordinary pioneer. Her parent/teacher conference was amazing and her teacher said that she is well beyond where they expect at this point in kindergarten. We, of course, try not to put too much weight in evaluations like this, but I have to say it’s what every parent wants to hear. There’s a little boy in her class that has been trying to kiss her and/or talk about kissing her, so that has been interesting. Keana and this boy played all the time together but when he started this behavior, she was done. Thankfully the school is taking it seriously and wants Keana to be comfortable, so we’ll see how everything turns out. Sarah and I know that this little guy just likes her a lot, and perhaps doesn’t have great modeling at home, so we’re just rolling with it for now and letting her teacher deal; don’t want to make it a bigger deal than it is. I guess the whole “boys and girls can’t just be friends” starts early (just joking…sort of).

Last weekend we went down to Long Beach to visit Tia, Uncle Ryan, and Cousin Olivia. We hadn’t been down there since last Thanksgiving, so it was time. It was a lot of fun, minus the 6+hour drive to get down there. But Iana and Ryan were very good to us and the girls had a blast with Olivia. She’s starting to walk, so Keana had fun leading her around by her hands, and both Maia and her had fun torturing her with as much love as she could take. Honestly though, I think Olivia really enjoyed having her boisterous cousins around for a couple days and it was fun watching them together. Of course the World Series was on so some time had to be spent rooting for our Giants, and there was the costume/trick-or-treating-candy-eating-mayhem on Halloween, but all-in-all it was pretty restful and great to get away. (SO many pics from October/Halloween, not enough time tonight, so I’ll get them up tomorrow.)

I can’t believe we’re already entering into the holiday season, with Maia’s birthday falling on Thanksgiving this year. This month is going to be crazy, especially with me having a work trip the week before Thanksgiving, but we’re looking forward to it. Today we had a very productive day around the house and I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed raking leaves off the roof and cleaning out gutters. Why is being on a roof so much fun? I do not know. But it did feel good to get give away some things, clean up a bit, and prepare for this great month we’re about to have.

development, education

And the beat goes on

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Sarah and I just celebrated our 6th year of marriage last night and had an amazing time out together. We finally found a truly excellent restaurant called Cracked Pepper Bistro here in Fresno. I mean, it’s not like we’ve been out a lot here, searching for that perfect, magical dining experience, but it’s Fresno, and things are different here. It brought us right back to our “younger” days in Santa Cruz and then the bay, pre-kids, when we were, as we like to say, “ballin’”. We frequently went out to expensive, fancy dinners with zero regard for how much it would cost or how long it took, simply because we could. From our very first date in August of ‘02, all the way up to last night, one of our favorite things to do together is eat really, really good food, and just talk and laugh. And last night we reflected on what an amazing life we’ve had together so far. Speaking of which…

Keana is doing amazing in school. She’s writing better and better every week, and even writes short sentences now. Her letters are getting cleaner and cleaner and she’s even starting to sound out words and knows some “sight” words (i.e. I, me, my, see, like, etc.). We were skeptical at first of a school that pushed her so hard in kindergarten, but now we’re seeing that she’s really ready for this knowledge and finds a great sense of individuality and power in knowing how to read and write. Just like it was when she started talking, it’s really amazing to see her find her voice through literacy as well.

Keana is also just the sweetest, brightest little vessel of light in her class too. I mean all the kids are really sweet and amazing in their own regard, but when Keana arrives and leaves every single day, it’s an event. Before she even gets on school property, her classmates are shouting, “Hey, here’s Keana! Hi Keana!!!” and even the lady that walks late-comers to class looks forward to Keana being a little late, just so they can have their 20 second conversation on the way to the classroom door. And yes, she has been a little late lately. Not technically, because I do get her there before the final bell, but the kindergarten classes line up at 7:35 in the cafeteria and walk to class together. So we’re usually running up to the school gate around 7:40 (class starts at 7:45). Anyway, every day when I pick her up, kids are literally lining up to say goodbye and get their Keana hug. At first, no one gave hugs. But Keana always hugged her teacher Mrs. Vick before leaving. And eventually it caught on and now all the kids get hugs before she leaves. It’s as if Keana gave the other kids permission to show their affection, and it’s truly one of the most touching things to see. This isn’t an occasional thing either, it’s every day.

Sarah and I volunteer in the classroom on Tuesdays from 10-11 (we alternate weeks). It’s a great way to see what class is like and meet all Keana’s peers. They really are great kids and it’s interesting to see how loving, respectful, and open these kids are in a school setting. It hasn’t been scared or shamed out of them yet and I hope it never is, though I know things haven’t changed that much since we were in school. But who knows?

Maia continues to be Maia. Willful, outspoken, and hilarious, she is our feisty middle link. There is no way she is going to get lost in the shuffle of Keana the Love Magnet and Aliya the Tiny. She is loving preschool and last Thursday when she came home, she ran to me yelling, “I had a GREAT day at school daddy!!!” She’s only going two days a week right now, but I think she’d be open to more in January if there are any other days available. And yes, she calls me “daddy”. At first I wasn’t sure about that, just because I’m so used to “papa”, but now I kind of like it; best of both worlds: “papa” from Keana and “daddy” from Maia.

Poor little Maij has been falling a lot lately too. She’s just more daring with her body than Keana was, but takes her licks like a champ. No matter how many times we caution her or how many times she falls, she’s right back into climbing, or running, or jumping. As her great, great grandma Beulah used to say, “I may be the smallest, but I’m still the mightiest.” These words truly apply to Maia.

And now for Aliya. Ah, our sweet, sweet mellow Aliya. She’s practically sitting up now and can hold her head quite well, looking side to side to catch all the action around her. She’s quick with a smile and continues to be our easiest baby yet. She naps a couple times a day and sleeps through the night. A couple things we miss though as she matures: grunting while pooping and laughing in her sleep. She still smiles in her sleep, but she rarely chuckles out loud like she used to. She’s still talking a bit though, and has begun to really suck on her fingers. She prefers gnawing on two fingers but often tries to fit both hands in there and gets a little frustrated when it doesn’t work. We weighed her yesterday and she’s 16lbs. and roughly 26”. We have Aliya’s first neuro follow-up tomorrow as well, here in Fresno, with a doctor that splits his time between UCSF Children’s and here. He’s supposed to be one of the best and we have another neuro follow-up in December at UCSF. Aliya is doing amazingly well and we have no concerns about her development, but it will be nice to have a “professional” confirm that.

So that’s the story here in Fresno. Team Hokama rolls on, into the fall, and we’re ready for the heat to give way to the cold, wet of winter. Oh, and for our anniversary, we got a new camera. No promises, but I’m pretty sure our pictures are about to get a lot better and our videos will now be in HD.

development, education

The Maij

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There are so many things we love about Maia and I think it’s safe to say one of her greatest characteristics is also her biggest challenge for us: she is full of fire. On the positive side of things this plays out in being confident, adventurous, and quite funny, and on the other side of things her will is very difficult to get around when she’s tired, hungry, or frustrated. She’s so much like me that having her as my little, slightly less developed mirror is scary.

Maia may end up being our most petite kiddo, but she sure is growing up fast. She begins her fourth week of preschool this week and she’s been adjusting really well. The first day was a breeze, but the next couple times involved some screaming and crying at departure. But the last two times I’ve dropped her off, she simply says, “Bye Papa.” gives me a quick hug, and runs off to talk to Great Grandma Bev. It’s been really nice, for both her and Keana, to have family as part of their first “teacher experience”. After school Maia is completely exhausted, but still insists on coming along to pick up Keana who gets out 30 minutes later. It is SO sweet when we arrive. Keana waits in a line until we show up and when they see each other Maia screams, “Sissy!” and Keana screams, “Oh Maia! Maia! I missed you!” and they run and embrace as if it had been weeks and not hours since they last were together. All the other kids seem to look on with envy and excitedly ask Keana, “Is that YOUR little sister?!”

And it’s a good thing Maia is so sweet with that touch of fierce, because although she and Keana play really well together 90% of the time, that other 10% requires some sweetness to deal with Keana’s bossiness, and a good dose of ferocity to eek out her space with her much bigger sister. I have to say it makes me proud to see our little one stick up for herself with such bravado.

Maia is also quite fearless. When she was having trouble sleeping she would often walk around the house in the dark, just playing or checking things out. Keana never did this and still won’t go into dark rooms without Maia. She often says, “Maia is much braver than me.” and I think it may be true. Also, this summer when we roasted marshmallows, it was Maia who stepped out first to get closer to the fire. Of course she has her things that she’s scared of, but overall, she’s our brave little girl.

We’re finally getting into a good schedule with her sleeping as well. For the longest time, probably because she is so independent, we tried to take cues from her for sleep. It was always a struggle though, and it seemed like just as we got on top of it, something big would disrupt it (the last being Aliya’s birth). So the last couple months we’ve gotten back on the boundaries and she’s sleeping much better, mostly through the night. At first, of course, she screamed bloody hell, but now bed time is much less traumatic for everyone. She even asks for her naps during the day when she’s ready.

Speech-wise Maia has always been impressive. Perhaps the influence of a very verbal older sister has helped. Communication is, though, a bit of chore at times. We think her thoughts might be moving much faster than her tongue can handle and she either gets very frustrated or gets stuck in these loops, repeating phrases over and over until they come out. For instance she’ll be telling a story and when she moves on to the next part, she’ll say, “And then, and then, and then, and then…”. It’s really cute, especially when she uses hand gestures that seem more in place with a thirteen-year-old than an almost-three-year-old.

Maia just continues to be our tiny-feisty-now-preschooler and it’s so fun to see all her amazing attributes just continue to develop and grow and evolve. I don’t think we’ll have to worry about her getting lost in the middle of our little trio of girls.

development, education

It begins

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It begins: school. Real school…for Keana at least. Yesterday was the first and here’s what she had to say about, “It was better than I thought!” I took her to school at 7:25 a.m. and they have the kindergarteners meet in the cafeteria, sit at a table with their class, then line up and walk to their classroom altogether. It was quite the scene. Not only were the kids nervous and excited, but then there were all the parents. I have to say, many of the kids were handling it more gracefully than the parents. I think as parents we need to remember that we have a lifetime of “stuff” about school and separation that we sometimes put on our kids. What I’ve had to keep reminding myself is that this is all new for our kids and it’s exciting and interesting, this whole school thing. There’s no reason for them to be scared or worried. We’ve done our best to pick the best possible school for them and our family, and now we just have to sit back, observe, trust, and support Keana in having fun with it, while getting the most out of it.

Anyway, so…for the most part, the departure of Keana and the rest of the kids from their parents, for a brief 5 hours and 15 minutes, was pretty smooth. Keana clung a little, but when it was time, she lined up and marched off confidently. She was ready. Unlike some of the little guys in her class that were bawling. Screaming and crying and clinging, these little guys really derailed the whole thing. I was just glad it wasn’t my kid! At least not this one.

Maia had her first day of preschool yesterday. She’s going Monday and Friday and drop-off was seamless. She was ready to play and have fun. At around 11 a.m. Sarah’s phone rang. It was Grandma Bev, but it only rang once so we thought it was an accident. When we picked Maia up at 12:30 p.m., we found out that Maia had had a little “accident” and had to change her clothes. She threw such a fit that Grandma Bev said, “I thought the roof was going blow off the house.” Sarah and I realized she had never witnessed the wrath of Maij. Anyway, once they got her changed she calmed down, so there was no need to intervene on our part. But when we picked her up she was exhausted and didn’t have a whole lot to say. She did say she wanted to go back though, and Bev didn’t tell us not to come back, so I guess we’re on for another adventure on Friday.

After picking Maia up, we went to pick up Keana. We were early, and just as Maia and Aliya were melting down, Keana walks out, in line, to meet us. It was great to see her huge smile and she seemed so grown-up. She didn’t want to talk a lot about it, but she did say she had a great time and it sounded like she really enjoyed everything. And although she keeps asking, “Why do I have to go to school every day?”, it was no problem getting her to school today. And the scene was way more manageable. Less parents, calmer parents, and the kids knew just what to do. Keana was visiting with a girl in another class and she started to walk in the wrong line to the wrong class, but I snagged her and got her in the right group.

So that’s it. School has begun. It is good, mostly. And with Keana getting to school so much earlier this year, I think it’s going to give me more time to get this website updated, water the lawn, practice my horn, etc. All things that would normally have to wait till after 9 p.m.

development, education

Say goodbye to summer

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I’d say we officially started “back-to-school” last Thursday. We went shopping for Keana’s uniform stuff and a couple things for Maia. After work we attended Keana’s back-to-school night at her new school, Dailey Charter. It was weird. I mean, there were lots of levels of weirdness. For one, there was the weirdness I felt. I know I’m a grown-ass man, but something about attending our first “real” school event for our little 5-year-old made me nervous. I felt out of place and couldn’t believe that we were now responsible for her formal education and the choices we made would affect her success in this crazy world. I know all the decisions we’ve made up to this point also affect her success and happiness, but this was a new level of it.

It was weird to see all the other families and kids too and to imagine what Keana’s interactions would be like with the other kids and how these other grown-ass people in the room were just like us; nervous, concerned, excited, curious, etc. Actually, they weren’t just like us. I didn’t get the feeling at all that they shared our political views, sensitivities, and/or education. One of the downfalls of living in a place like Fresno I guess. I was happy though to see such a diverse room full of people. If I had to guess, I’d say only 15% were caucasian, but there were very few asians, which didn’t surprise me. But it was good to see so many different types of people represented anyway.

Which brings me to the next weirdness. The teachers did not reflect the population of students. 90% of the teachers were young, white women. Which is fine, but I think it’s important for students to see themselves in their teachers. Of course, our girls are predominantly white, so maybe it’s my issues…I mean, I guess they’re all my issues, because Keana certainly doesn’t think about race very much. People are people to her and she doesn’t blink twice at skin color. (Note to self: work on that.)

Then we visited the classroom. It was a very neat, new classroom, with all the desks grouped in fours, and the kids’ names already on them. The teacher’s large, black desk was at the front, in the corner, angled, overlooking the kids. There was a laptop on there and a pseudo-laptop for the kids. To the right of that was a SMART board and a projector hung from the ceiling with new speakers on either side. Fancy. In the back there was also a behavior chart, like a stop light. All the kids start out on green. Everything was labeled: scissors, crayons, pencils, desk, etc. The kids will learn to read and write. There will be homework, especially reading every night. There’s a field trip. It felt sterile in the classroom. We’re hoping it will warm up and gain some character as the year goes on (after all, it is a brand new school).

I think Sarah and I both wished the teacher had focused on welcoming the kids, but instead it felt like she/the school wanted to emphasize to the parents that they were a serious academic school, with strict rules and a dress code. So we’ll have to see. The fundamental principals of the International Baccalaureate program sound great, so as long as those really shine through, I think it’s going to be a great school for Keana.

Little Miss Maia will be starting preschool too at the school that their great grandma Bev runs. Keana loved it there, and Maia got small samples when dropping her off or picking her up, so I think she’ll love it too. She’ll be going two days a week for now and she will be one of the youngest kids there. So we’ll see how things go and we’re willing to be flexible. If she hates it, we’ll try again in January. If she loves it, we’ll increase the days in January (if there’s room).

Aliya has been growing, growing, growing into a little chuberoo. She’s 12lbs. now and 24” (95% percentile for both). It will be nice for Sarah and her to have some alone time with both girls at school, and I think it will be great for Maia to have her little sister to herself on her days off.

It’s really hard to believe we take another plunge tomorrow. Kindergarten. The beginning of formal education. And Maia in preschool. Damn!!! Where has the time gone? I’ll let y’all know how the first day goes!

development, education

Graduating

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Hey Little Baby,

Last Friday (June 11) was Keana’s last day of preschool and as it is with all big events (you’ll see), I think she was sad to see it come to end, but excited about the possibilities of kindergarten. There wasn’t a ceremony or anything, which was fine with us, but we went out to sushi as it is your sisters’ favorite meal out. Unfortunately, the next day, she got a cold and is still getting over it, and of course, Maia has it now too.

We continue to prepare for your great entrance into the world though. On Saturday Grandma Jennie came over and helped out with the not-so-fun chores. She cleaned the kitchen, organized Keana’s room, and swept/cleaned our bedroom floor. It was really a big help and I actually got to sleep in for the first time in recent (and not-so-recent) memory. I took your sisters to the park when I woke up and we had a lot of fun swinging, sliding (they had to ride on my lap because the slide was already too hot), playing soccer (sort of), hacking sacking (sort of), and playing in the little river there. The water kind of freaks me out because of parasites and what not, but I think it’s chlorinated. Keana and Maia are so well behaved that it seems like they are often dumbfounded by the other children running around and behaving like wild animals. They just watch and observe as if they’ve never seen it before. Don’t get me wrong, I think kids should have fun, but if you’re three or four I think it’s okay to use words in your interactions, rather than just grunting, hitting, and splashing. Anyway, it was fun and by the time it hit 90, we were definitely tuckered out.

Sunday your Mama and I got some good time together (thanks again Grandma Jennie), and we talked about how we’re feeling, waiting for your arrival, and things we were trying to be aware of and enjoy as our time as a Quadripod draws to a close. I’ve been continuing to work as well, trying to wrap up all my duties so I can take those six weeks off without worrying about my work falling apart in my absence (of course it never would, just saying). We’ve been emptying and filling the birth tub, using it for an indoor hot tub, and working out its kinks. We have to drain the air out of the pump pretty frequently or the heater stops working, but don’t worry, I think I got it all figured out. Of course, you’re floating warm and peaceful in there, and when the time comes, I’m sure the temperature of the tub will the be last thing on your mind.

We also met with Jacque today and your heart sounds nice and strong and your head is in a good position. You really responded to her checking you out today, moving quite vigorously and I can already tell you got that Hokama fire. How could you not though, right? Mama’s going to try and do some hands and knees several times a day to encourage you to rotate a little, but we trust you’ll be in a good position when the time comes. Everything happens for a reason, no matter the difficulty, and we’ll just keep breathing, nice and easy, until you’re ready for the outside world.

Love,
Papa

development, education

Summer’s end and new beginnings

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Summer may be over but the heat certainly isn’t here in The ‘No. Lots of 100 degree days and “lows” are 90. Ouch. But we’re surviving it. The morning is the time to make your move outside the house and it can be 80 as early as 9 a.m. (probably even earlier some days)! I’ve had a few meltdowns about it (no pun intended), and it’s hard to tell the girls we can’t play outside because our skin will melt off, but whatever. Anyway, we all know the heat is an issue, so what the hell has been going on?!

Keana started school two weeks ago (August 17) and we’ve been slowly sinking into the schedule. We’re excited to be heading to Santa Cruz this weekend to visit Peter and attend Neel and Sai’s West Coast wedding reception in Aptos. Sarah and the girls couldn’t go to the Hindu-wedding-extravaganza in Boston in May, but Team Hokama will definitely represent this weekend! We all really miss the coast and it will be good to get out of this heat and back to our old stomping grounds. After all, it is where Sarah and I met and got engaged, oh so many years ago. The only real events on the agenda: beach and good food.

Both girls have been amazingly inspiring lately, and Maia especially continues to win our hearts. Keana won our hearts in the same way in her early-early years, and now it’s Maia’s time to show off all her little developing characteristics. She’s fiercely independent and insists on doing most things by herself and on her own terms. Her temper is quick to flash, not unlike her papa’s, but is always followed by a sweet gesture of love or shyness at her ferocity, as if she didn’t know it was going to be so extreme and she’s a little afraid of it too. Mostly though, she’s the sweetest, funniest thing you ever met. Maia is really talking but still says things like “nilk” for milk, and “mo again” when she wants more of something. The cow’s milk in the fridge has taken on the term “papa nilk” since it’s the only milk I’m blessed with and it cracks me up every time. Even Keana uses the term and I must say, it catches other people off guard. I took the girls to ice cream yesterday, and of course both Keana and Maia wanted to walk on their own without holding hands, which I figured was fine on the sidewalk, and when Maia and I accidentally bumped into each other, she smiled sweetly and said, “Sorry, sorry!” as she moved on her way. Makes my heart melt.

Keana continues to be our bright, shining star. She’s been reveling in her physical abilities to run fast, flex her muscles, and move in the craziest ways. Like her mother, and maybe a little like me, she can make the funniest faces. We could spend hours just making faces at each other and laughing. She’s been very good playing with Maia lately, but the burden of having to share her toys, space, and parents with her little sister definitely comes through. It’s hard to see it happening, and Sarah and I are both second children, so I think we tend to favor Maia in most arguments. Although we are starting to see Maia’s little antagonist emerging as well, and often Maia will scream, we think, just to incriminate her sister unjustly. It’s a big balancing act and we’re trying to be fair about it all, but you can’t be all places at once and we’re definitely trying to let them work things out on their own. I remember having to do that all the time with my brother growing up. We had some serious fights, but for the most part, we were so close in age and interests that there seemed to be little conflict. I see a lot of myself in Maia though, especially when she walks up to Keana and pinches her out of the blue, just cause she has a wild hair. When Maia gets frustrated, she gets physical and I have to say Keana handles that quite well, often enduring the pain and holding back retaliation. Pretty impressive for a four-year-old I think.

Sleeping has been our issue lately (and again). Every time the schedule gets thrown—by a family trip or me being out of town or whatever—it seems like it takes at least a week to readjust. Both girls typically go to bed in their own rooms quite well, but often wake up in the middle of the night; Maia for milk (and late night parties), and Keana to pee and say she had a bad dream and misses us and wants to sleep with us. On Tuesday I just gave up and crawled into bed with her, cause who has the energy for an emotional breakdown in the middle of the night? Especially because if one of them loses it, the other wakes up and then you got double-duty. Keana can often be reasoned with, but Maia is one stubborn baby. She’s very sweet and cuddly and even whispers while patting you or kissing you, saying, “Nilk? Papa nilk? Papa up?!” We endure quietly, trying to ignore her until it goes too far and Sarah ends up putting her back in her room and closing the door to let her cry it out. There’s no silver bullet for the sleep issues and the only thing we really know is that we all do better sleeping in our own rooms (at this point at least), and consistency is key. Don’t mess with the sleep schedule. And if you have to, then just be prepared to be patient and make sure you have some good coffee on hand for the days after the tough nights. I almost feel it’s my duty to document this appropriately for those that have yet to experience this. That way I’ll remember when the girls have their own kids and will then be able to sympathize appropriately! (And not try and offer too much advice, cause what the hell is going to work anyway?!!)

Speaking of neophytes, Iana is due in two weeks and technically could go at any time now. We’re very excited to meet the first, first cousin! Sarah is on Iana’s birth team, so I’ll be watching the girls whenever she does go into labor and then Keana, Maia, and I may drive down to Long Beach for a sneak peak right after the birth. We definitely want to give them their space and be respectful of their newly budding tripod, so we’ll just be happy with whatever introduction we get. Maia’s been asking, “Tia, baby?” lately and Keana is so sweet when she talks to Tia on the phone. A couple weeks ago she said, “Hi Tia! How are you feeling? How’s the baby?” and she asks Iana all the time, “What is the baby saying?”, trying to get a feel for how the baby might react to her, the default “Leader of the Children”. From what I understand, most people really enjoy being the oldest sibling/cousin, and I certainly think Keana won’t mind being leader of the pack one bit. Of course Maia will be a formidable lieutenant, but I’m sure they’ll just be very excited to share the younger stage with the new talent.