Photos from June 2014
Category Archives: trips
Limping Into Summer
The first week of summer is done and gone and we’re already halfway into the next. It feels like Team Hokama has barely survived so far. We started out tired, having returned from a three-day weekend trip to Sacramento celebrating Great Grandpa Vic’s 80th birthday. This seemed okay since hey, it’s summer(!), and there will be plenty of time to rest and play, right? Not so.
Last Tuesday afternoon (June 17), while Keana and Sarah were at Keana’s physical therapy appointment—yes, a couple more weeks before her sprained knee is back to normal—I was on a phone call and I heard Maia and Aliya busy playing. They can be quite the dynamic duo, busying themselves all over the house with this or that, and I didn’t think anything of their little chatter until I hear a BANG, CRASH, and Maia screams, “Papa! Papa! Help! It Hurts!” I quickly got off the phone and found Maia on the floor of the laundry room, on her back, one shoulder in the cat water dish. Aliya was standing by the dryer, door open. I tried to get her to tell me where it hurt amidst the sobs, but it was impossible. At that moment, she didn’t know what had happened, she was just in pain.
Where, O Death, is Thy Sting?
The last couple weekends have pushed our family to look at death (again). Two Fridays ago we were on the road to Santa Monica to bury my grandma (on my dad’s side), and of course this weekend was Easter weekend. The two experiences, though pretty different, have very common threads. Some questions that have been (re)raised for us that I think apply to both: How do we talk about death? What’s appropriate behavior around death for our family? Is there room for joy and celebration when people die? What do we believe happens to us after we die? What are the family traditions associated with each event?
The thing I love about having kids is that everything with them is an opportunity to explore, question, and have fun. And yes, funerals are fair game. I’m thankful that Sarah and I are able to see that for our own family, and we try to allow the kids to ask whatever they need to ask, give them honest, straight-forward answers, and when needed, gently instruct them on what most people consider appropriate behavior. So even though we headed to LA to grieve, we were also excited about seeing family and enjoying some time by the coast. This context is helpful, especially if you were to hear them shout out excitedly, “We’re going to Nana’s funeral in LA!”
Photos from January 2014
Places Like Home
We took a day trip to Santa Cruz today as sort of a last “hurrah” of winter break. I think we’re all agreed here at Team Hokama that the beach is pretty much our favorite place. No matter how cold the ocean, the kids are drawn to it and absolutely love running around in it (when their parents forbid them to actually go all the way in due to outside temps).
Since both Sarah and I went to school at UCSC and stayed by the coast for a few years after graduating, I think it will always be a place that feels like home. The whole family is just happier and more at peace there and there’s something rejuvenating about being by/in the ocean. We don’t know when and we don’t know how, but I think it’s safe to say we will live there once again. Mark my words.
Paulina Lake and Letting Go
I haven’t been finding time to write but it’s not just “life getting in the way” or being too busy—at least not completely. I like telling our stories as they happen and sometimes there are stories that are hard to tell. Maybe there’s a lot of detail or pieces to it, or maybe there’s a lot of emotion involved. And the story that covers both these bases, and that’s been holding me up lately, is our trip to Paulina Lake, Oregon that we took in mid-July.
It was a family reunion of sorts, with my mom’s side, but not everyone was there—most notably my Uncle Vic, who committed suicide last December. When family came down from Oregon for the funeral, plans were set in motion to follow through on a “reunion” trip he and our cousin Heidi had talked about earlier. Since 1948 (Grandma will correct me if I’m wrong) the Hubbards/Petersons had been going to Paulina Lake for summer fishing. My brother and I went a few times as kids—it’s where I met and got to know family from Oregon and where I learned to fish. And basically some configuration of that side of our family had been fishing there for what today, I think, classifies as “forever.” My uncle grew up fishing at Paulina, playing on the boat and shores with his sisters and cousins, and always seemed at peace and happy there, as is evidenced by many photos of him. I especially love the classic 80s shots of him up at the lake where he’s got a hat and tank top on, and a mustached smile across his joyful and mischievous face.
So we had an opportunity to not only reunite with family but also to have one final celebration of a life cut far too short. I admit it wasn’t easy for me to say yes. I hadn’t seen a lot of the family in over 20 years, and hadn’t even met some of the newer members. I knew it was going to be awkward and hard, and on top of all that, my brother wasn’t going. We had always gone together as kids and even now as an adult, with kids of my own, I still wanted him along to help me navigate the family waters.
The drive up was tough: 10 hours in the car, split into two days. We stopped in Redding knowing that if we tried to drive it all in one day, the kids would not be even remotely close to being able to handle camping, fishing, and meeting new family. When we arrived on Monday, July 15, the mosquitos were horrendous. Cousin Tom had said they were bad, but they were camping too (instead of staying in cabins), so I figured it couldn’t be too bad. BIG mistake. Luckily Grandma Linda had room in her cabin because after one night at the campgrounds, we were done. Literally millions of tiny blood-suckers.
The first full day there we took a boat ride around the lake to scout memorial sites with Great Grandma and Grandpa, and the kids loved being out on the lake in the aluminum 8 ft. boats with outboard motors. It was their first real boat ride and they loved it. No sickness and little fear. Later that day we went out fishing and each of them caught their first fish. I was in the boat with Maia, Aunt Janet, and my mom, and we had barely gotten our lines in the water when Maia said, “I think I have something.” She was so calm and followed my mom’s instructions perfectly. I couldn’t believe that in under 5 minutes of her very first time fishing, she had snagged one. Sure enough, she reeled in a nice little rainbow trout. Maia was excited—maybe even as much as the rest of us—and Grandma Linda cried.
I was excited and proud to see that Keana, who had been out trolling with her Great Grandparents and Grandpa Sam, had caught two of her own. We headed back to the cabins and Great Grandma showed them each how to clean their fish, just as she had done with me 23 or 24 years before. They weren’t really grossed out, mostly fascinated, and Keana loves to eat fish so much, I think she was happy just to know that she had at least two to eat later.
The next night Team Hokama wasn’t so lucky. I was out with Aliya, Sarah, my mom, and Aunt Janet, with no luck for a couple hours. On a final effort before heading in, I snagged a little rainbow and tried to get Aliya to help me reel it in. Upon getting it in the boat we saw that it was barely big enough to keep—maybe 8 inches—but when Aliya saw it she exclaimed, “It’s just my size, Papa!” so my doubts about keeping it pretty much melted away. She was pretty excited about the whole thing so I called it hers and we called it a night.
Throughout our four days there we basically fished, played in the cabins, and visited with family. It was hard to make connections with the family from Oregon, but it was still great to see them again and meet the newer, younger members. There’s really no way to catch up on lifetimes in one fishing trip, so I really saw this as one step in the right direction.
On Thursday, our last day, we all headed out in our boats, 23 of us, across the lake to a quiet shore for one final farewell to Uncle Vic. We all lined up as my mom said a few words and read a prayer, and I played Summertime on my trumpet with an improvised intro based on Flamenco Sketches (by Miles Davis and Bill Evans). As I played, everyone scattered little bottles of Vic’s ashes that my grandma had put together for the occasion. It’s amazing how much grief is left even after 7 months. I found some closure though in sharing stories of him with those that didn’t know him very well or hadn’t had a chance to meet him. It was pretty special to be in that beautiful setting, with the lake and fishing and almost all our family, to bring back happy (and often hilarious) memories of the man we loved.
After the service we all rode back to the docks, leaving a trail of rose petals on a smooth-as-glass lake, and prepared for the last day of fishing and the traditional closing fish-fry. After an early dinner we headed out, but the waters were choppy so we had to reel it in after just a little bit. Even though we had to head in early, I felt very privileged to have spent the last night fishing with my grandparents and two of my daughters (Aliya was in another boat with Sarah, Grandma Linda, Grandpa Sam, and Great Aunt Janet). They weren’t having any luck either until they sprinkled a little bit of Uncle Vic’s ashes over the side of the boat for good luck, and almost immediately, hooked some fish.
We packed early the next morning, said our goodbyes to the family from Oregon/Washington, had breakfast just down the hill in La Pine with the Peterson side, and hit the road. The ride to Redding was rough. The kids were sad to go and tired beyond tired. Somehow we prevailed though through tears and much frustration, and were more than relieved to be at the hotel. The final leg back to Fresno the next day was much smoother, and it felt really good to be back home.
What an epic trip. It was the kids first super-long car ride and first trip to Oregon. We reconnected with a lot of family and paid our final respects to Uncle Vic. There was so much joy and excitement with first fish caught and new, unfamiliar territory, and there was a lot sadness and tears shed too. Letting go is hard—but letting go while opening so many doors at the same time was also healing.
Limekiln 2013, Day Five: Pack it Up and Move it Out
Wow. We’re back in Fresno. What a day. It’s always a little weird waking up in one place and going to sleep in another, even if it is home.
Yesterday we did make it up to the kilns with our extra hiker, Luna, and she and Keana continued where they left off on our hike to the falls, singing made-up songs together and making plans for staying in touch once we all went our separate ways. Maia really was pretty much done, so I carried her on my back in the Ergo. Good exercise for me and I was even fine in my Vibram five-fingers.
After the hike, Luna’s parents welcomed us with fresh cod sautéed in lemon and butter and then we all headed down to the beach, with Anya in tow as well. And it was a perfect beach day. We played, talked, got some sun, and even saw a seal just barely off the shore. It was pretty spectacular.
After the beach, both Aliya and Maia were very tired and upset (i.e. tired out), and Keana was rearing to go to Luna’s camp as soon as she could. Aliya eventually crashed on my shoulder while Sarah navigated Maia’s needs through dinner. Then Maia and Keana headed off into the forest for a “parting ways banana s’mores party” at Luna’s camp. We decided to wake Aliya from her late nap so we could all go, and we were really glad we did. We all had fun making bananas filled with marshmallows and chocolate chips, then roasted them in the fire. The kids played and roasted marshmallows while we visited some more with Ayan, Liza, their friend Liz, and Cindy (Anya’s mom). They were very gracious hosts and we left feeling very fortunate to have found such friendly, kind, open, and like-minded people while camping.
Maia would not be parted from me for bed time, so she and I stayed out and closed camp for the night, which was pretty cool because then she got to see more stars since it was way after 9 by the time we were winding down.
Today the kids woke up mostly with a sense if excitement for heading home, but Keana, especially, was sad to leave the friends she had made. Maia was the most ready to get back to civilization and all our creature comforts, which made her the most helpful packing up as well. Keana got one last visit with Luna, and Aliya just played in and out of the car while continually asking for Mentos. Overall, Aliya really had an excellent attitude the entire trip, and was the most easy-going of the three, even though she’s just barely three.
We got packed and on the road by 10:30ish, had breakfast at the Whale Watcher Cafe in Gorda, then continued our journey back to super-hot Fresno. The heat basically sucks, but the one good thing is all our equipment dried out in two seconds.
I’m not going to lie, it was not an easy trip. But sickness and meltdowns aside, we thoroughly enjoyed being at the beach and in the redwoods, recharging in many ways apart from normal life. Having time together as a family without the interruptions of the every day is so important, and connecting with new, like-minded people that were easy to hang out with really feeds us in another way too. As it is with the rest of our life, this vacation tested us as parents and individuals, and I wish I could say we hit home runs every time. But no one does and I feel pretty good knowing we did our best and many things were much better than last year’s camping experiences. I’m pretty sure we’re making mostly positive, unforgettable memories for the kids, and look forward to many more wilderness adventures.
Limekiln 2013, Day Four: Hikes, Beaches, and Saying Goodbye
10:58: 3% battery on this phone. Headed to Lucia for breakfast this morning, BUT NO BREAKFAST SERVED. Blargh. Got snacks and beans at the store but definitely a big disappointment. Maia seems to be doing okay, but is really just holding on I think. Keana ran into the forest camp sites to play with Luna right after breakfast and now I think we may mobilize for a little hike up to the Lime Kilns. Going to be a perfect beach day too, methinks. Hoping there’s enough battery for a recap tonight…
From Keana:
Then I went to Luna’s camp. We colored a design. Then I borrowed a sweater and a pair of pants from Luna. Then we colored by the fire. Then we went on a hike with Luna. We made up a song and saw fairies! Then we came to the kilns. Then we took a picture. Then me and Luna went on the trail. We talked about what we could play and what Luna was having for lunch.
Then we had lunch with Luna. We had cod for lunch. Then I borrowed Luna’s camelback. We played scuba divers and there were sharks chasing us! Ania joined us and we went to the beach. We had a snack and then we got on top of a BIG rock. It splashed Ania and Luna. Then I went the bathroom. Then we warmed up and went on the big rock again. Then we played in the waves and saw a seal. We named it Sammelcece (Sam-ul-see-see). Luna held on to me when a big wave came. We both got very wet.
Then we went back to the blanket. Luna’s mom gave me a persimmon and I guess it was a persimmon! Then we played camels on the sand. Then we played camels in the water. Then before we knew it it was dinner time. I had tacos and Orangina for dinner. Then I went to Luna’s camp where I found Luna and Ania relaxing by the fire. Then I came and sat down with them. Then we carried Xavie like he was the king. Then Luna’s mom put Xavi in the tent. Then we played Queen. Luna was first, I was second, and Ania was third. Then we saw Xavie escaping from the tent! Then we played horsey and Xavie bit me very hard on the back. Then we made banana boats. While we waited we roasted marshmallows. I caught Luna’s and my marshmallow on fire! I got the burnt ones and Luna got the not burnt ones. Then I tried the banana boat and didn’t like it. Then I went in the tent and told stories. Then Luna walked me back to my camp site. I undressed and went to sleep.
Limekiln 2013, Day Three: Making Friends
Well, yesterday ran away and I didn’t get back to write (obviously). Maia was still feeling pretty sick, so she watched a movie on the Kindle in the tent, Aliya and Sarah napped, and Keana and I had a nice little hike exploring the forest and Hare Creek. We spent most of the rest of the day on the beach yesterday since the weather was absolutely perfect. We also made some friends, too! First we met Ayan, Liza, their daughter Luna (7) and son Xavi (2), as well as their friend Liz. And of course Luna and the girls hit it off instantly and were off to play amongst the waves, rocks, and seaweed before they even knew each other’s names. Then another little girl slowly gravitated across the beach towards them as they ran from waves, and slowly folded into the pack. Her name was Anya (10) and we met her dad Chris (an engineer/contractor) and her mom, Cindy, who happened to be a teacher who went through the San Diego Area Writing Project summer institute last summer. Quite a small world indeed. So the kids played and the adults visited throughout the day.
I think one of the highlights was when the girls had collected seaweed for about an hour then decided to make dresses out if it. Luna took the roll of designer, though they all seemed to have a vision. Keana was eager to be the first model and immediately Aliya wanted in on the action. So as the older girls dressed each other, Sarah tended to Aliya making her a little seaweed hula skirt with a seaweed head dress. As usual the adults were all staying their distance from each other until our kids basically forced us together. But through this forced interaction we discovered cool things about the people around us. Like the Writing Project connection with Anya’s mom (Cindy) and the fact that Ayan was in the restaurant business, and happened to be a former owner/partner in the Blue Ribbon chain if restaurants in New York. They were also in the process of scoping out Northern California because they were looking into moving from Boulder to here, so we got a chance to hear about their plans and offer what little knowledge we had about Berkeley and surrounding areas.
So the kids set a plan to have a picnic together at 09:00 today and it was just about that time when Luna came down from the forest to visit. We ended up feeding her breakfast and then they were off, back to the beach. It’s tough to let them be free but also keep them fed and safe (i.e. sunscreen’d, out of poison oak, and in bed before they totally melt down). And that is how last night ended: Maia in total melt down. She eventually was able to say she wanted to go to the car, so I took her and we talked. We were able to figure out together that it’s hard camping because of all the unknown variables. When she doesn’t know what’s going to happen or *how* things are going to happen, it causes fear and having to navigate all the different variables throughout the day really wears her down. Not to mention that she was still recovering from being quite sick. I think being in the car helped her get back to a familiar, enclosed, safe place and we were able to work through some if the issues, or at least better understand them. I also reassured her that we can always go home which was comforting too, even though she really didn’t want to leave. There’s a lot of complicated things going on for Maia that she’s struggling with, but really, she’s doing a great job figuring out what it is that’s upsetting her and communicating that. Even if it happens after a melt down.
But today was good. Lots of play time with friends, they had their picnic by the river in the forest, and we took Luna on a hike to the waterfalls with us. They all had their walking sticks, sang songs along the way, and even Aliya hiked on her own. We had to do some lifting to get up and down from the waterfalls, and I was bummed that I forgot a camera. But we enjoyed dipping our feet in the pool beneath the two falls that were pouring down from 200 ft. up. On our way down from the falls, trying to find a smoother route down to the trail with Maia on my back, I climbed down small crevice formed from a large log wedged against a couple boulders. When I got down and signaled up to the others to follow, I saw a pretty large garter snake coiled up in the crack we had just traversed. Needless to say, we found another route for the others, but it was cool to be able to show the kids a real snake in the wild. Then it was back to camp, knowing that we needed to get a jump on dinner.
Part of what Maia and I agreed on the night before was trying to keep dinner and bedtime closer to normal time so she could count on something. Luna’s parents weren’t back from town so she had dinner with us and they played a little more on the beach after. There was the beginning of a meltdown as we got ready for bed, but Sarah suggested I put Maia on my back in the Ergo and that seemed to settle her down. So Maia was my backpack helper for closing up camp for the night and it was pretty cool, really. She had comfort and had someone to talk to and sing me songs. She was almost asleep by the time I was ready to head in and Keana and I have been writing since. Maia and Keana are now catching up on the facts about ticks and plans for tomorrow. Sarah’s given one annoyed “aren’t you guys done yet?” so I guess I better shut it down. Till tomorrow…maybe…
Keana’s Selection:
Then we put on real clothes and went to the secret island. We had nectarines, a chocolate bar, crackers with honey, and sandwiches. Then we payed explorer. Then we went the bathroom. Then we went to Luna’s camp. We played on the tent pole and Luna got the highest. Then we went on a hike with Luna. We made up songs on the way there. Then we climbed up to the waterfall. We saw a worm that loved the water. Then we hiked back.
When we got to the camp sites, me and Luna ran to the bathroom. We saw a huge daddy-long-leg. Then Luna came over for dinner. After dinner we went and played in the sand. We played mermaids and humans. Then we went back to camp and Luna forgot her Camelback. Then I had three more tacos.
Limekiln 2013, Day Two: Still Sick but Having Fun
9:58: Woke up this morning a little before 8 and everyone was healthy! Maia made it through the night without being sick. Quick breakfast today: cereal. Really nice having minimal prep/clean-up, buuuuut, 10 minutes after finishing, Keana says, “I’m hungry, I need a snack.” So it was really a breakfast of cereal, salami, cheese, and crackers.
After breakfast, while Sarah and I sat looking at the ocean from our “front porch,” it hit me (again) what a huge strain it is having just one sick child. Maia’s part of our team and we need her in the line-up! Aside from having to do extra care and cleaning when she’s sick, her presence amongst her sisters is really an important factor in harmony for the whole family. So while we were talking, Aliya came over and said she was tired and wanted to go in the tent. She was distracted throwing rocks for a minute, then started brushing her teeth and headed for the tent. Sarah’s in there with her now and I think she really is going back to sleep. Now to see what adventures Maia, Keana, and I can stir up…
From Keana:
Then my friend Luna came and wanted to play. We said after lunch. I had some bread and honey. Then we headed up to Luna’s camp. We climbed on rocks to the creek. Then we decided to go to the beach. We climbed back and asked if we could go to the beach. They said yes. Luna put her swim suit on. Then we went to our camp and put our swim suits on. We went down and set up our towels. Then we played sharks. Then we went to the beach. We played on the castle rock. Then we ran in the waves. Then we started to collect seaweed. Soon, a girl named Ania joined in a became my friend. As soon as we collected a whole pile we decided to do a fashion show. We dressed myself up in seaweed first. Then we dressed Ania in seaweed. Then we made a hole called a toilet.
Then we buried Lunda’s brother in sand. Then we laid down and a big wave got us and Lunda’s brother. Luna’s brother was unhurried and taken care of. Then we decided to go river climbing. When we were climbing I fell in. Then we went back and played in the ocean for a while. Then we decided to rinse off in a secret pool. Then Ania and her mom went back to camp and Luna came with me to my site. She went to her camp site to get ready. Then I took a shower. Then I sat on a rock and waited. Then I made quarter stacks and had a snack. Soon later Luna and Ania came. We carried Maia up by making a chair with our arms. Then Luna had to go so me, Maia, and Ania went to camp site 17 to explore. On the way we saw a snake. Then we planned a surprise picnic for Luna.
